So I got my latest results back… the Viral Load has dropped severly which is totally awesome, but my Cd4 is still low… which I found has caused me severe Anemia (Did I spell that wrong?) The tiredness that I am feeling all the time is apparently majorily caused by the anemia… Wow!!  So now I am going to take multi vitamins with Iron to see if that helps and also I am finally going to get that hystroectomy that I need so badly.  Between the two, I should be half way to the old Tesh. 

Though I think Brian and John have already beaten most of the old me out, leaving me this shell that I have been living in.  I really have know idea  who I am anymore.  Maybe I can make a new better Tesh, one that Rob will love to have for his wife.  One that can do the things she thought she could.  Not the one who can\'t do anything and gets tired at the slighest movement. 

I feel aweful that I haven\'t seen my kids.  But I couldn\'t let them see me like this.  Not weak.  Not sick.  Not dying.  No kid ever deserves that. Not being able to fight back, against the disease, against Brian…  So hopefully Victoria will help me get better, and I can go home and see my boys, finally.. 

This person I have become over the last 2 years isn\'t me.  I am not like this.  Why have I become this way?  I do not ignore my ffriends.  I do not ignore my duties.  I do not give up on my loved ones.  But yet I have… why???  I do not know….