So I have just found out today that people suck more than anyone can ever say. I trust someone only to have them disappoint me in every way possible. I can't do anything right anymore and i'm so sick of being the damn fuck up that I just really don't care what's going on anymore. All I want to do is go slap the hell out of him and get him to wake up because it's obvious he's the worst friend I could ever have. How could someone pretend to care and then just throw your issues in your face? I don't understand it. I pick the worst people to trust, and I'm always too nice to people. I never learn how to just be mean, and I hate that in myself. I can't figure out where I should set boundaries anymore because I guess I want everyone to be that one person who actually gives a damn about me. Unfortunately, it looks like I'll never find that. It sucks that I'm the only one who gives a damn about me. It sucks that I'm all i"ll ever have, and sometimes it doesn't feel like enough. Sometimes it hurts worse to talk to myself and write these blogs than it does to talk to someone else and have them hurt me. I'm over this life, and I'm wondering if it ever does get better. And if it does get better, when? How many times to I Ihave to hit rock bottom before I start to feel better again? I've lived my life in misery so much that this full bottle of antidepressants is starting to look fucking amazing… I could do it, but I know what will happen if someone finds me, and I can't take that anymore… I can't take losing another friend anymore…. It's like I can't stop losing at life, and I don't know where to begin to find myself anymore…. I thought people would finally get me once I figured myself out more, and the more I try to find myself the more confused I get. I want to just stop this whole life ordeal. What's the point of me living alone anymore? It feels like i'm the only one who's actually a decent person anymore. I care too much about people, and all they care about is how to hurt the other person.

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