Okay I am going to try my best to write this with out editing as I am a re-edit freak.

*breathe***Oh and in my head I am shouting all of this****

My mother is a complete dickhead. I really really really think she is fucked in the head. More than me. Okay so I have been doing things a little lifechanging lately and somehow I think I am getting ALOT better. And I told her about my wool today and she asked me if I was alright. I told her I am fine and then she said she is worried about me, so I decieded to let my little steel lock on my heart open and let her in for a chat about how I am feeling, and she turns around and says the most stupid shit. FUCK MUM I am getting better! oh and yeah I am a little depressed…so she tells me I should stop looking on the computer – checking up on things, I think I irritated her. What things? Does she think that what I am feeling is some fucking joke?? like I am looking for another diagnosis? Its called ADHD and Depression MUM you dumass! My mother the catholic school teacher who is the living breathing essence of a normal family, and she has me a mental joke to scoop up hide away. I am my mothers embarrasing secret. She wont acknowlegde there is something wrong with me. My psychiatrist told me to move to the country to slow me down a bit. I moved 6000kms to the other side of the fucking country just to get rid of my stupid fucking irritating family. Best thing I ever did. Oh yeah so I cut my hair real short my myself, there must be something wrong. No. I just like to do stuff and I want everyone to leave me the hell alone. I am not hurting anyone and not myself. Why cant they leave me the hell alone. Really instead of judging me, I just want my mum to say – Jem, how is your depression going today? so I can give a nice quick reply “oh thanks for asking mum, today I am great. I had a shower.” I just get critisim and she says to me – Jem, there is nothing wrong with you, youve just had a baby. Well its true there is nothing wrong with me. I am fucking GREAT! thanks fuck I live here where everyone is a little boho and ecletic and not a rigid fuck like YOU!!! God I hate her sometimes. 🙁

My house is messy now. I am upset and I just want to eat and go back to bed. Fuck the wool. :sad::sad::sad:


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