Is there a difference between some that is paranoid and a hypercondriac? I’d like to know.

I think i’m more paranoid than a hypercondriac, though I do think the worst of a little symptom. Most the time its illogical, however there are time when its it a resonable fear.

There have been many times when I thought the worst, but right now I am actually more scared than ever. Why did I have to be born into a family with so much history? I think it makes it worse for me.

The internet makes it worse. I research symptoms and I always seen like its something very bad, like cancer or something. Its wrong to self diagnose I know, but i’m to scared to go to the dr and ask about the symptoms that I have.. if it turns out to be the thing I fear, then it’s going to be too late. I’m so confused.

The thing.. the thing I fear more than anything is Cancer. There is such a strong family history of it in my family. My grandmother, 5 or 6 of her sisters, my great grandmother, so on so on. Where does that leave me? It leaves me so paranoid about getting cancer, so fearful that I’m even too scared to go to the Dr and ask about the symptoms I have. This last lot however, Is really not good. I know it.  I can feel it in my gut. But then again am i just being a hypercondriac? I do not know.

I wish I could just hide from it. Pretend its not there. Bretend I don’t feel the pain everyday.

To make things worse, I have SI scars on my body. Where they would have to exam. I’m terrified. What if they ask me what happened there?

On another thing, I went to see the salvos today, about getting them to pay for my course in HR. They agreed. I’m glad. They want me to keep coming on in Tuesdays though. Everyone that I have to see regualary is wanting to see me on tuesdays.. so my free day during the week, is no longer going to be free. Joy to me. Very frusturating. Just ad anther thing to my list of worries. Maybe soon I’ll just implode.