I'm often silent when I'm screaming inside. Except last night.
I awoke last night to find myself screaming. Well, I actually woke myself screaming. I haven't done that in many years. My heart was beating wildly; I was terrified. Of what, I do not know. I switched on my lamp. That wasn't enough to ease the terror, so I got up and turned on the main light too. And then I sat, for what felt like a lifetime, waiting for my savagely beating heart to calm itself. I often et night terrors in the form of sleep paralysis; I am awake, but my body is non-responsive, my eyes are open but when I try to shout out I cannot make a sound.. I can feel myself screaming and screaming inside trying to alert someone, anyone, of my present paralysed state but no sound ever comes from my mouth.. after what feels like forever but what must only be a minute or so, I gradually start to be able to move my head, my limbs; my body joins my brain in being awake. But for that minute that I am lying there, aware fully of my surroundings but unable to move or make a sound, I am simply terrified. And knowing it's going to happen doesn't make it any less horrific each and every time. An old folklore belief is that the body is possessed for that period by demons sitting on the victims chest, which is supposedly why the person wakes in extreme terror and is completely unable to move.
I just wish I could seep without being scared to allow myself sleep. I am tired of being exhausted, and I am exhausted by my dreams which haunt me so.
All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.