Hi everyone. I just wanted to share what's going on with me at the moment. I have always struggled with aspergers (autism) and I hate people near me or touching me and obviously new places. My partner is always with me everywhere I go and so mostly I'm fine. In the beginning of feb a had my little baby girl, after an okay pregnancy and was planning to have a drug free no intervention home water birth, then at 37 weeks I developed Hellp syndrome. HELLP syndrome is a life-threatening obstetric complication usually considered to be a variant or complication of pre-eclampsia. “HELLP” is an abbreviation of the three main features of the syndrome: Hemolysis Elevated Liver enzymes Low Platelet count I had blood pressure of 200/160 when I was first admitted to hospital so it was severe. My liver and kidneys were failing and had nearly a full blood transfusion after they quickly got my girl out. It all happened to fast. I was asked things and no one waited for an answer. When I asked them something no one listened. I waited over two hours for my blood results to come back initially and (excuse my language) no one seemed to give a shit about my autism. Noting was explained to me and procedures were carried out without concent or even asking first. I genuinely feel like I have been sexually assaulted/raped!! I couldn't remember what happened for a few weeks then everything started to come back to me. Now I have vivid nightmares about being violated by people I'm meant to be able to trust. I stayed in hospital for 5 days before discharging myself as I wasn't being looked after and because I was so upset and scared my partner and I just left 🙂 was the best decision as I improved quickly. I also have terrible flashbacks to things that happened, dr then diagnosed me, said complaining officially might also help as I became angry too. Just so you know my little girl was born perfectly healthy and that is truely the only reason I'm still standing. I've struggled with my autism for what seems like forever and my partner is fantastic, hd makes me feel safe and “normal” but now I'm having trouble trusting him and a couple of times in hospital I feel he let me down and didn't help me. We still have good communication and knows about how I feel and he understands but I'm struggling. I cannot have sex with him either as I just don't want anyone near me like that. I go in to a blind panic even if its suggested. I really don't want counselling as I'm terrified to go!! All I've done to try and help myself is doing a sponsored 10 mile walk for the action against preeclampsia charity- www.justgiving.com/Cass-Courtney which is helping to come to terms with things but not much. Sorry for the essay, well done if you've managed to read this far! Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Cass x