It’s not easy to explain to someone who doesn’t suffer severe anxiety why sex is such a daunting topic. Sex is now no longer the taboo, immoral thing it once was. Almost everyone engages in premarital sex, masturbates, watches porn, etc. With the exception of the religious, no one really cares anymore. However, if you have anxiety, it can be a totally different ball field.

Anxiety crops up into our lives in all sorts of different ways. It manages to stick its fingers in everything and ruin what once brought you joy. It preys on your weaknesses and such a weakness can be your most intimate, private actions and thoughts. To many, sex can be a safe, enjoyable, healthy experiment, but to those suffering from OCD and fears of being a pedophile or attracted to the same sex (or in some cases, the opposite sex) suddenly it is something to fear. So many of my OCD fears have a foundation in sexual attraction and it’s not easy to engage in a happy, active sex life when you have this heavy albatross around your neck. People are often baffled by my lack of a sexual history and it’s not something you can easily explain away. I often wonder if others with OCD suffer the same problems and find that anxiety has made them unable to have sex and, therefore, feel like societal outcasts.

It’s hard to explain the fear that OCD brings to someone who doesn’t have it. It is a fear of being afraid of the irrational. Knowing your fears are irrational does nothing to quell them, which makes it all the more frustrating. “I know this is not going to happen, so why can’t I stop thinking about it?” Any moment of relief is like a god send, yet it always comes back. OCD is like a very loyal pet that will always find its way back to your door.