I always feel like I'm being selfish when I post about my troubles here, but I can't think what else to do sometimes.
I've been getting on well the past few days, getting over a bad patch… but today was very weird.
Firstly, I had a dream I was in a Scream film.. yep the whole masked guy trying to kill me situation. Then I spent the day with my gran, which was really great actually, we had a lot of fun. That moment got ruined though… she got a call to say her sister had passed away…. I hate to see anyone upset, but when it's my gran it breaks my heart. She's always the rock for me and she always helps me out, but in a situation like that all I could do was offer a hug.
I'm in an odd state now. Death is what triggered my anxiety attacks in the first place, and I've not encountered it since. I know i'm much stronger these days though, so I hope i'm not gonna have a fall – seeing how I just got out of one as well.
On a slightly more stupid note – my best guy friend came to see me tonight, I live with him at uni and he's like a big bro these days. The thing is, just like Harry said to Sally – no guy and girl can be friends without the sex part getting in the way. I seriously love this guy, I thought he was meant for me a few months back – there was no one else. Now though, the dynamic has changed and I'm pretty certain he's seeing someone now – he hasn't told me though and stuff like that makes me trust him less and less. He doesn't really know about my anxiety, he has a clue but he's not 100% on the situation.
I don't want to keep complaining, but I try to plan to do things with him and now he's shutting me out for her. Which I honestly don't mind, I'm not the person to stand in the way of a relationship! But I feel emotionally wrecked just lately and when he says 'oh i don't know if I can do that thing with you' and I go oh how come? 'because I might be seeing her' I go… oh okay, can you not decide right now?
It's just a little hard sometimes when people don't know what you're going through… and I hate to moan about it all to anyone.
sorry, for my ranty post – its all I can think to do to stop me from losing it a little bit.
xx
Hey there!
I can relate to a big degree to what happened today (technically yesterday in my timezone :P).
I could sit here and say that I know exactlty what you are going through and know exactly what will happen, but truthfully I am alin a similar situatun :/ and I too often worry about whether I will be seen as moaning and dramatic if I even think to talk about myself.
I\'m sure in your life you have been there for friends and family, and you have let them bare some pains to you in the name of sharing and halving problens? Think of the feelings you have in regards to the choice you make to be there for people. It is because you care and want to be of some support 🙂
Well, that is exactly the suit that most of us here wear everyday, and for most of us here at anxietytribe, it\'s the only suit we have 🙂 Care doesn\'t always have to be a one way thing, so believe me when I say you don\'t have to feel guilty of moaning or burdening anybody when you talk about your problems here 🙂 It is what we all come together here for 🙂
Anyways now hat I have finished that rant hehe, I\'d also like to say that I get what you are feeling towards your guy friend when he dithers when you try planning something with him.
I am a very black and white kinda guy, so I would personally say that if he is dithering like that, it essentially says he wants to prioritise planning something with her, and then the left over time you could in theory take advantage of if he was willing. Being a victim of anxiety however, it may not be a good idea to try and plan things with him if that is his attitude for the moment. At the end of the day you need to sit down and eliminate all of the stresses that you can control from your life, at least for the moment.
If your anxiety is anything like my own, confidence had become a thing of the past when it all started. It does come back slowly with time though. It is very frustrating at first as you may well know, but as soon as we get some functionality back from recouperation, we can use that in safe measure to help the healing process 🙂
Hopefully all of the gibberish helped you to some extent 🙂 See you around!
Andy
don\'t worry about being selfish. thats what this site is for – to help us get a little bit of our troubles off our mind. Its ok to post – and sak for replies – I wish the chat function was more used than it is. I always seem to find comfort when chatting with people on this site. They seem to understand. It would be nice to have your friend understand what you are going through – its nice to have a safe person. Well wish you the best. Keep reaching out to friends and family and try to share information with them about your situation. The more you tell your friends and family the more understanding they will be I believe. Good Luck. Tim
Play on Playa! Dont fall for the game.
Thank you everyone 🙂
I really appreciate everything you\'ve all said.
I shall continue with my honest blogging 😉 lol
As for the guy – every other day I say to myself \'right, forget him, he\'s not worth the trouble\' lol but then the next i\'ll be his best bud again. I dunno, he\'s a very strange person who cannot make a decision 😐 which frustrates me, but i think he only winds me up because I live with him at uni and he\'s always around.
Anyway, I\'m sure things will lighten up as long as I can try and take things with a light heart 🙂
Thanks again chaps! Xxx