well this is my first try on the site. even i have never written any blogs on elsewhere on the internet. but i published a poetry book with my own conditions. i mean i payed for them to publish it. i am currently seeing my hands and fingers typing on the keyboard and they feel heavier like a marble statue. that feels good to sense myself. my souls inside my body now. i had too many bad days. i mean i always believed it was something like a war something like a campaign. i am seeing a doctor from the year of 1999 i was born in 1979. nowadays i have anxiety i had it many times before. in my sleep sometimes my heart begins to beat so hard and fast and my ears start to buzz until i wake up. and it becomes hard to wake up while having the attack. this first happened to me in 2000 after a badexam at the mechanical engineering department. i am a mechanical engineer msc. i used some antipsychotics like zyprexa, seroquel, solian. and some others like risperdal and norodol. i think one of the problems is to see the whole thing like an american movie. listening to doors. consider how jim morrison was eating lsd with beans,drinking whisky. that wasstop taking my own responsibility and blaming the whole world. saying that i am the only right one in this false planet. butthis is something political sometimes. and it is based on social economicalclass complexities i guess. you can find too many articles about how people even politicians in turkiye lost their minds. but finallyi guess i am all right now. was it a process? or an achievement. a goal to be better, i dont know. i have to see the wachowski brothers-the directors of matrix movies-new movie "jupiter ascending"

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i think we were living in small cities in our districts, then we started living in a big globalworld and now we are on the way for living in other planets and spaceshipsand our brains cant cope with it too well…

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