i really like this site a lot more than myspace. there's something very impersonal and scary about myspace. everyone seems really superficial and fake, dumbed down. here people expose themselves as who they really are. they list their fears and mental disorders and insecurities. if i said any of the things here on my myspace, i'd be endlessly ridiculed and told to "cheer up". i really hate that goddamn site and i wish all my friends weren't on it. it doesn't help that everyone's damn page looks exactly the same and nobody reaches out to others, they just see your profile image, comment on your attractiveness/unattractiveness, and add you if they feel like it.
i'm feeling pretty bitter about boys right now. i'm swearing to myself that i'll never like a boy in a semi-well-known band again. he may have liked me first, but i'm sick and fucking tired of the fangirls, for god's sake i have social anxiety disorder and serious insecurity issues. having to deal with the fact that he has women constantly pestering him just makes me withdrawn and sad.
i just want to meet a boy who isn't going to run off with other girls, is down to earth, likes to read and hold my hand and talk philosophy and likes to smile yet still be intimidating and brooding. maybe it's my area. maybe it's because i never force myself out of the house. but i feel like i'll never meet that person. it's been over two years and i'm losing hope exponentially.
i am pretty lonely. that's why i drink like a fiend and lay in bed all day. the only thing that matters to me is music, taking care of my chinchilla (he is my pet, after all), books, and talking to my friends when they're not constantly venting to me about their life.
i get a lot of shit for smoking and drinking — here's a clue, holier than thou assholes: i don't tell you how to live your life, don't tell me how to live mine. it's nice that you're concerned, but i don't appreciate the derogatory comments or "i'm better than you because i'm clean" shit. i am a nervous wreck without these things.
i am really not this bitchy in real life — actually i'm extremely timid. i just am getting so fed up with people and their glaringly obvious flaws.
i suppose i should go take a shower now and make myself presentable, instead of looking like i haven't slept or combed my hair for 5 days…