I heard a fellow say the other day that Narcotics Anonymous had
tried to brainwash him, and that he was far too intelligent to let
that happen. What I couldn't understand was how a fellow with such a
dirty brain could think he was so smart.

For years I cleaned the mess in my head by soaking my brain in
Substances. The result was frightening.

For starters, the colours all faded. My brain became dull, no longer
sharp and bright. No matter what type of Substacne I used, there was
always a fuzzy residue. The worst part was that the dirt always came
back immediately, and since the Substance never properly cleansed my
brain, the build up became out of control and unmanageable. I finally
decided there had to be another way, and I asked for some help.

I was introduced to this Narcotics Anonymous, and I'm here to tell
you that it is the most powerful Brain Washing Machine I believe the
world has ever seen. Here's how it works.

It uses something called Steps to sanitize the cranium. Alone, these
Steps don't do a proper job, but when these Steps are combined with
other ingredients in this Magic Machine, the result is absolutely
amazing.

There are actually twelve of these Steps in total, and the First Step
is Water. You simply have to put your brain into it.

The Second Step is the Detergent, which really is the magical
ingredient in the whole process. Different brains use various Brand
Names of Detergent, but it is commonly referred to as Higher Power. I
will be referring to this Detergent a lot, for it is truly the root
of the way the entire process works.

Step Three is where the Detergent begins to penetrate the brain, and
take control over the dirt.

Now, I did say there was a lot of build up on my brain, and the first
three Steps took quite a long time to start taking affect. There were
other ingredients introduced to get at the really tough, stubborn
stains (and let me tell you, there were a lot of those). One of the
most effective products for my brain was Shut Up and Listen, and the
new and improved Grow Up.

At first, you spend an enormous amount of time washing your brain.
For the first 90 days, it's a daily routine to place it in the water,
and the occasional twice a day doesn't hurt. Slowly but surely, your
brain will begin to feel cleaner.

I should point out that you will be immediately introduced to the 12
parts and tools that keep this Machine running, known as Traditions.
They make sure the Machine runs smoothly, and in correct timing with
all the other parts. For instance, Tradition Three ensures that only
brains that want washing go into the water, and Tradition Seven is
the coin slot. Tradition Eleven is a neat one; it's the tool that
allows your brain to look out of the machine, but only lets those
people who want their brains washed look in.

You soon learn that while your brain is being washed, you are helping
all the other brains stay clean. In fact, this Detergent is so
powerful, that helping to wash another brain actually washes your
own. Most brains find another who has been in the Machine a little
longer, is a bit cleaner, and can be a great source of agitation.
These brains are called Sponsors.

By now you feel the effects of the Machine are paying off. Your brain
is no longer fuzzy, and the colours have started to come back. Steps
Four and Five are necessary to get at the dirt that has built up
underneath the surface. These are the High Spin Cycle and the Flush.

The High Spin Cycle is done on your own, and what a ride it is. You
will find dirt in there you never knew existed. Once you get it all
in the open, you get another brain to help Flush it out, right down
the drain. The Detergent is still there during the whole process.

Once that is complete, you prepare for the Detergent to remove the
dirt. This preparation is known as Step Six, and Step Seven is the
actual removal process. I should point out that the Machine never
completely washes the brain, and there will always be an accumulation
of dirt from time to time. This is why I continue to get my brain
washed at least three times a week.

At this point in the process, there is still some common dirt that
remains. This dirt is the residue from when you were soaking your
brain in Substances, and caused when, while splashing around, dirt had
gone flying in all different directions. Believe it or not, the dirt
left around has to be washed up as well, or your brain will never be
completely clean. It starts with another Spin Cycle known as Step
Eight. Again, the dirt is identified, and then in Step Nine; the
Detergent with you; you try to clean up all of the dirt you sent
flying.

Step Ten is merely a Rinse Cycle you go through, over and over again,
finding new dirt and washing it away.

During the Step Eleven process, you begin to understand more about
the powerful Detergent used. The more you learn about it, the cleaner
your brain becomes. Whenever you take your brain out of the Machine,
the Detergent sticks, helping it stay clean. You simply have to
ensure that your brain holds onto the Detergent at all times.

When you get to Step Twelve, you will have an Amazing Discovery. Your
brain, thoroughly washed, has actually undergone a complete change; a
very Awakening change. This change is called Spirituality, which can
only be described as a dependence upon the Detergent which makes your
brain more resistant to dirt. You continue to cycle through all the
Steps over and over again, helping other brains get washed as well.

Some of the other ingredients and parts include the Just for Today,
which is just a timer on the machine, limiting the amount of
dirt that a brain should be exposed to at one particular time.
There's the Live and Let Live, which, when properly used, allows you
to focus only on your own dirt. You can help another brain get
washed, but concentrating on their dirt only adds to yours. These
small portions of the Washing Process, known commonly as Slogans,
really help when you first put your brain in the water, and continue
to be a big part as you go through the Steps.

One of my favorite Slogan ingredients is Keep Coming Back, which is a
Scheduler for brains to follow when they need to get washed.

I've seen a lot of brains since I've been using the N.A. Machine. All
of them have been subjected to the Substance Soaking Method one way or
another, and have pretty much had similar results to my own. Some
brains come to the Machine through a ringer, where the Substance is
squeezed out and the brain is dumped in the water. In this ringer,
known as a Treatment Centre, the brains are introduced to the N.A.
Machine and the magic Detergent.

A lot of brains just get into the water, not believing the Detergent
will work. Some go back to the Substance Soaking Method, and
tragically
enough, it isn't long before the brain is dirtier than it was before.

Even more tragic are the ones who have been using the Machine for a
while, sometimes years, and then revert back to the Substance. What
usually happens is they stop putting their brains in the water
regularly, forgetting about the good old Scheduler Keep Coming Back.
The dirt begins to accumulate, and then, for some baffling reason,
they decide to try the Substance Soaking again, and the dirt begins to
pile on at an alarming rate.

All in all, though, any brain I've ever seen who uses the Washing
Instructions properly, taking advantage of all the Steps, Traditions,
and other helpful ingredients explained, has always stayed clean.
That powerful Detergent; the root of the cleaning process; always
stays with them.

If your brain is dirty, and you've been trying the Substance Soaking
Method with little success, I strongly urge you to try the greatest
Brain Washing Machine in the world, Narocotics Anonymous.