Here I am another morning of misery. I am so tired of being so tired. I dont understand the tiggers for my depression. If I could understand maybe I could fix me. I have been diagnosed with severe clinical depression, PTSD, and post concussive syndrome, (the PTSD and PCS came from a car accident a few years ago). I have tried to convince myself that my "mental disease" is a unique personality disorder and that at some point in my life I will understand the reason for it and will be glad for it and that at this point in my life I have decided against all medication and that I will find a way on my own. Afterall, we are self healing organism, right? I tell myself that I have to suffer through the bad days to get to what I affectionately call my "neurotic days". my neurotic days are the days when my head goes full speed ahead and I am accomplished and successful but the cost of these days is extreme lows. I know what you are all thinking and I am pretty sure I am not bipolar. A few months back I had a neuropsych evaluation but I am unable to know the results of it until the lawsuit for my car accident is settled. So here I sit trying to figure me out, what is it that my head is searching for to make me better. Is my depression what makes me who I am? I am so tired of hearing about how happy everyone thinks I am. The Foo Fighters said it best, I am a PRETENDER. I am the queen of faking it. But what if I dont want to fake it anymore? Then I would have to admit that I am not the person I keep striving to be, the person I so desperately want to be.
Share this0 likes
Reactive attachment disorder or just clingy?perplepinto, , Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, Teens, Uncategorized, Anxiety, Relationships, 1
I am currently in college but I’m on break so I’ve only been working and hanging out with my...
NoneMoonWolfEagle, , Depression, Child, 0
YO DT hahah some of you make me laugh till it hurt lol tell snowie lol hold on shit...
everything is going to be okay (i hope)zander2024, , Anxiety, Depression, Suicide, 2
this is to all of those who have thought about suicide IT DOSE GET BETTER watch this video to...
I am…at it againiam, , Depression, Addiction, Anxiety, Domestic Abuse, Hoarding, Medication, Suicide, Weight Loss, 0
I had a few good days…exercising regularily, showering without breakdowns, driving without breakdowns and then i noticed no one...
Random thoughtsconflicted, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Child, Questions, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 0
So, it's been just over two weeks, off my meds…I haven't noticed a change yet, except the lack of...
Lost and Loss of Trustsadviolinist, , Depression, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Stress, Therapy, Weight Loss, 2
I'm stressed and upset. I just had a 90 minute conversation with my best friend. I haven't seen her...
The working poor gets no help for anxiety or depressionDayisdone, , Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, Anxiety, Career, Depression, Medication, Sleep Disorders, Therapist, Therapy, 1
If I dont work I will lose my home. I have no friends or family. :I make too much”...