Here I am another morning of misery. I am so tired of being so tired. I dont understand the tiggers for my depression. If I could understand maybe I could fix me. I have been diagnosed with severe clinical depression, PTSD, and post concussive syndrome, (the PTSD and PCS came from a car accident a few years ago). I have tried to convince myself that my "mental disease" is a unique personality disorder and that at some point in my life I will understand the reason for it and will be glad for it and that at this point in my life I have decided against all medication and that I will find a way on my own. Afterall, we are self healing organism, right? I tell myself that I have to suffer through the bad days to get to what I affectionately call my "neurotic days". my neurotic days are the days when my head goes full speed ahead and I am accomplished and successful but the cost of these days is extreme lows. I know what you are all thinking and I am pretty sure I am not bipolar. A few months back I had a neuropsych evaluation but I am unable to know the results of it until the lawsuit for my car accident is settled. So here I sit trying to figure me out, what is it that my head is searching for to make me better. Is my depression what makes me who I am? I am so tired of hearing about how happy everyone thinks I am. The Foo Fighters said it best, I am a PRETENDER. I am the queen of faking it. But what if I dont want to fake it anymore? Then I would have to admit that I am not the person I keep striving to be, the person I so desperately want to be.
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The Music & Me.
GreenSkies, , Depression, 1
Well, here we are. First blog in a few days. Small update on me: Work. Work. And, more work....
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Blog…
duane, , Depression, Depression, Obesity, Suicide, 0
So, I found this site yesterday, I joined made a couple of posts a couple of comments, read some...
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It''s Not Shocking
thebadkitty, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Relationships, 0
He wants to go to an open mic. I don’t want to go, but I am willing to humor...
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Apology to My Friends
sadviolinist, , Depression, Career, Sleep Disorders, Therapy, 1
3 a.m. and awake again. This is the one of the few side effects of the Ritalin I DON'T...
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Soulless
soullessbvblover, , Depression, Child, Domestic Abuse, Self Esteem, 0
fighting…nothing but fighting and putting me and my brother in the middle has been happening. though i get used...
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Making a lamp..
sab, , Depression, Depression, Relationships, 0
Ive been working on a few types of lamps. One a made is a Japanese style lantern, one square...
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Danger DANGER
Maniacalplague, , Depression, Anger, 0
I’m angry, i’m sad i’m high, i’m amazed i’m everything all at once and it’s all too much to...
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Another Day In Chicago
thebadkitty, , Depression, Suicide, 0
Slowly recovering from the other day’s viloent illness. Still shaky, and moody. I feel pretty weary, and even faint...