I haven left a blog in a while and I thought that I shoud because I will be in need of all the support I can get soon. I will be giong back to school soon in april and I hame sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo nervos! This will be the first time back since I starting having bad pannic attacks. This is especially hard for me because I am a nursing student. I am the one taking care of others not the one needing help. I have never been that person untill now. I am terified of having an attack in an emergency room situation. What am I supposed to do? say: " Um… sorry sir I cant finnish your cathiter because I need to sit down and do some breathing excercises" or "sorry mamm you are going to have to hold that baby a little longer" I have worked so hard to go through a good school and I am sooo close to graduating and then the attacks started comming. I dont want to even tell my instructors what is going on with me now. I am afraid they will judge my ability to give quality care to others.

with this in mind I will have my 1st meeting with a psycoligist Tuesday, Im am just terrified that the things we discuss might give cause for them to pull me from the nursing program or even have the state evaluating if I am a safe influence for my kids. I am so scared that i have been making my self do things like jump into the car or go to a crowded store when I felt an attack come on just so I could teach my self how to deal with an attack in a stressfull situation. Driving has been scary because my eyes go blury. But what am i supposed to do? I have to face the facts that an attack can and will eventuall come on while im driving. My attacks last for hours so I can just pull over or take off work or school when ever I feel one comming on.

I don have to say I hthink this has helped. Dangerous a little but now that I have put my self in the situation it doesent seem as scary ( and add to the anxiety)

 I dont know… give more you thoughts if you got um… good or bad..