After dealing withmy anxiety pretty well for awhile now, today out of the blue it spiked up terribly. It started as soon as I woke up. When I go through these "phases" they come on very quickly with little to no warning. I felt fine last night when I went to bed, and nothing has happened to trigger it, but I woke up feeling like something was wrong. The whole day I have felt on pins and needles…just feeling like something awful is looming. I can't help my paranoia, and when I get like this I find it hard to think straight. I think weird like should I turn my phone off so no one can reach me? I think that maybe it's better to just not talk to anyone until I'm better, other wise I might not make sense, and people with think I've lost my mind. I've had about three of these episodes in my life, all in recent years. I don't know what to call them really. They come on quick, and can last for months. The first time it happened was about 3 years ago and it lasted well over 6 months. I thought I had quite literally lost my mind. Then it left as soon as it came. I felt normal again…even lived a normal, funcitoning life again. Then it hit again, but didn't last as long. I'm really hoping that I'm just having an off day and that this will pass soon, but I'm not sure it will. I keep getting more and more paranoid…feeling like I want to shut myself off from the rest of world. Thinking about deleting my page onhere, about shutting off my phone..getting rid of my contact to the outside world. Sometimes I feel like my friends arent really my friends at all, and that theyre just mocking me…making fun of the fact that i'm not married, and that i'm unemployed right now. I have a cousins wedding coming up soon, and I'm thinking that I won't go. I'm tired of answering the same old questions like whats wrong with me..why am i not working etc. I'm just hoping that I can get some sleep tonight, and that tomorrow is a better day…a happier day. I feel very miserable right now, and very, very anxious.

2 Comments
  1. veritas144k 11 years ago

    That feeling is not strange to me. I think you are normal. See I think we with anxiety don\'t like the lie of life. It seems others are faking and we are not. How can we go out and lie like all is ok. I think there is a reason for all this anxiety.

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  2. morethanthis 11 years ago

    Its hard when you get older and you are not married and you get all the questions and it doesnt help when you are temporarily unemployed. A wedding I went to a couple of years ago now a woman asked me why i wasn\'t married. I knew she hated her husband and her son was divorced with a kid. So I responded sweetly with \”I\'d rather be single and happy than married and miserable and I\'m not a fan of divorce so I\'m not getting married to anyone unless I know it right\”. Put her well back in her place and I\'m sure she went away thinking about that. Sometimes married people need to be reminded that Marraige doesn\'t necessarily equate to happiness, I know lots of miserable married couples.

    As for the job thing, if someone asks you just tell them you looking at what you want to do and you don\'t want to get stuck in a dead end job.

    Go to the wedding and hold your head up high, you are beautiful (inside and out) and when asked why aren\'t you married simply reply, why do I have to be? I\'m happy being single. If you don\'t go you will regret it. Have fun and don\'t worry about what others think, they are probably jealous of your beauty and freedom anyway.

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