I didn\'t realize I had a problem with anxiety until around 2004 or 2005, I was a shy person more inclined to just put up with the things I disliked, rather than get into an argument with someone I don\'t know. My day job however changed all that.

I have to confront people all the time to maintain organization. People left to their own devices make my job impossible . Those confrontations started taking a toll on me, and out of the blue I found myself either over reacting to even the smallest infractions or becoming a victim of emotional trauma. Many times both would occur in the same instance.

I work in a hospital setting, and there is simply no shortage of emotional trauma here. The first occurrence of a severe panic attack left me gasping for breath sweating like someone poured a bucket of water on me and pain that I have simply no words to describe. The pain radiated from the center of my chest down my left arm to the palm of hand, like someone ran an iron down my arm .( I guess I do have words for it.) Needless to say I thought I was done for. I had up to that point never feared for my life. I asked the e.r. attendant if I needed to cancel Christmas . I really thought I was in real trouble. I was told through out all this it was likely acid reflux disease. I have to go with that , because the other is too frightening to deal with.

I spent the next three years having attacks of this nature constantly, I couldn\'t wash my car with out feeling it. But unbelievably I could feel the anxiety first. Some how my shattered psychy was embarrassed to be out side washing my car. I can\'t really understand it, it was just happening . And the more it happened the more fragile I felt , the more anxiety I feed into the system. At work with my anger for literally everything to do with people , it was almost impossible to manage. My reactions didn\'t match . It was like my body wanted to cringe and go die some where, but my mind was furious. I couldn\'t stand being so scared. Scared…. it breaks my heart just thinking about it all, and pisses me off to no end.