SHOW ME YOUR COMPANY & I’LL TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE…

How did I even get here? How did WE get here?

How did WE get here?

This stuff started so innocently… Glitter and Blue Apples, Armani’s and Red Mitsubishi’s, four day weekends, vacations that fooled us into thinking we were more than we had ever been before. We were somebodies. We were just some bodies passed out on the floor. Was that worse than being nobody?…

Was that worse than being nobody?…

No body, no mind or no soul? Maybe that’s why we did it. I’m still trying to figure it out.

At 25 I had an above average job for someone my age, I already had had the fiancee ( a complete asswipe I wouldn’t even wipe my ass with) and was now onto my revenge fuck..at least that’s what I thought it would be. Maybe my FriendsWithBenefits.

By the top of that year @2012? I was hot shit or at least I thought I was. Not only was my FWB vying for my emotions it now seemed, but my penultimate crush had finally noticed me after years of side glances  and scores of mutual acquaintances at parties where we would politely cheek kiss when presented with the other, it was just too much.

I, with my budding mental vanities and fixations (this would later blossom to a full disorder within the ‘anti-social’ realm of DSM) felt powerful, I had arrived. So insecure I was that the attention of two eligible bachelors secured me. It made me feel alive. It was all about me and I was in control.

So insecure I was that the attention of two eligible bachelors secured me. It made me feel alive. It was all about me and I was in control.

Then things changed. He fell in love with me while I fell in love with the other. He died So mysteriously. We do drugs for years..or is it years of drugs. We killed ourselves through each other and now we’re just all trying to get back the time lost in purgatory.

This is the fuckery that became our lives..that almost ended mine and now I sit in my dark space watching as he pretends to not be in the trouble I know he’s in.

This is my story and the on going journey of my friends’ road back from addiction.