I felt like I should say this it may help someone out there I dont know.

The past nine years Ive been trying to figure out who I am from the age of 16 giving myself to a man that was just fishing to be part of my minds plan for stress, I gave myself to him and stress, pain, and hurt he gave me, just to name a few things. The hits and blows were just a casual ring of fights that would start happening. I got off that ride to know that growing inside of me was a small seed that would one day be the greatest gift God has ever given me and his people. Just like a pearl when pressure is applied, and stress plus pain and a grain of sand, all that is need to creat something so perfect. Just like a diamond has to have rough and toughness done to it in order to come out flawless that how I feel anxiety is to me. I have gone through more in life than a 60 yr old lady who's lived the straight way right. I gave birth to my daughter and finished school and went on the college just to see what the party life is like I went to class five times, but the crazy thing is I'm not the best looking chick in the world, but I was pulling man dimes lol, I saw the best and worse side to a University. I came home to find out my mother than took credit cards out in my name and than started to curse me, saying to me since the age 16 I would never amount to nothing and just like my daddy had a dream im following in his shoes, with no mercy or shame she called the police and put me out in the street. I grab my daughter out of daycare and went to the hell hole I tried to run from at 16, it was like trying to run from going to hell, but only to find out you have to go right back to face a test I sure did. At age 22 I have seen me with my young eyes than any person just living a regular life. I got taken out of hell only to be put in a homeless shelter left for dead me and my daughter could only count on each other. I hustled hard to get out. I remember sitting one day around a table of women smoking a cig this was years before anxiety set. I sat and talked to them about what they see themselves doing in the future one woman stated she was comfortable where she is and free food and housing is where it is. I hurt inside because like a rabbit trying to out run a snake I felt like I was trapped I cried at night and prayed for a way out I saw myself go from living a high midclass life to being at the bottom with nothing. Homeless feeding the homeless because no one else would help. I had to go out one night with a couple of people at a time they had a babysitter so that the kids could be watch, I got ready to serve the homeless that slept in the street, and I broke down and cried I had never in my life saw over 600 people with nothing. One by one just begging for a cupcake and a hot cup of coffee, just thank God for one meal. God has given me everything and taken away everything the only thing I could do is wait on him. Yes God took me to a place where I only could pray and cry out to him. I moved around and told my daughter we are here as God messengers and we will be back home soon, she worried alot and I cried alot more not knowing what was going to happen. With strong drive I kept going at the age of 23 I was at my last shelter and the staff woman stated to me I would probably never amount to anything, I had college debt and bills up to the roof, I prayed and called and pleaded with the loan people finally someone helped me and had them paid off I have been in school and in my own apartment for two years. The only thing that stayed from all the stress heartache and pain is anxiety. I tried to drink the fear away and it wouldnt leave I tried to smoke cigs it made it worse I tried to pray it away. One day I said I will not let anyone give me any meds I am going to face this like the things of my past because my future is so much brighter that this mind game doesnt need to come with me. Than I started to think God gave me this as a reminder to stay humble dont over stress because the stress and your pain has already passed and like a diamond in the rough you have passed my test. I may not be the best person in the world but for me being 24 now and my daughter is 7 going to second grad and she made the principles list even in preschool I always told her never give up on her dreams and now I will never give up on mine. I wrote this because I know there are alot of people questioning why you have anxiety look back take time to reflect and no matter if you went through something small or something big, your test and someone else test is still the same because in the end you are the pearl you are the diamond from what was before, be thankful and know that you are alive and well and healing and growing and everyday you are getting better and better. I hope one day some day my deepest dream comes true and I can talk to you from a T.V screen and do interviews with people dealing with anxiety and other illness and know it's not the stress that kills you it how much pressure you put on you. I have seen alot of people go crazy and completely lose threre minds, but I refuse to let that happen to me I have to much going for myself and too much coming ahead, and most of all I have a child that's such a strong leader there is no way I could fail her.