I applied for that job Thursday evening. It is now Saturday afternoon and I haven't heard anything back. I think they are open today, I'm not sure. I wonder if that's normal or if it's a sign that I didn't get the job. I'm thinking that I didn't but it seems sort of weird that they took the time to put up an ad and still hadn't filled the position a few days later. Oh well, I gave it a shot.

I'm talking to the ex more and more but I have been sure to remain as nothing more than a friend. We were fine most of the day but then we had a fight last night. I showed him some clip on YouTube that made me laugh and he made a smartass remark. Let it be noted here that it was a political video made only for a laugh and I wasn't making any sort of political statement by showing it to him. It was the first thing that made me laugh all day and he tried to escalate it to a serious political debate and I don't like those, especially with him because he becomes hypocritical, angry, and annoying when we even try which is only further excerbated by the fact that we aren't from the same political party.

It made me angry that I was finally laughing and he wrecked it so I just told him that this was another reason why he and I were broken up, the bullcrap is too much. This also angered him. Everything seems to be making him mad lately, like he wants me and the reason he doesn't have me is because of me. I'm nitpicking or he doesn't understand why I react to things the way that I do. Hell, I don't even understand myself most of the time but not all of my feelings and thoughts are errors created by some as of yet unstated illness. Is it not possible that I merely dislike men who are attracted to girls that I find gross? Is it not possible for a female to have morals and standards? I'm not a feminist, I just feel a certain way about certain things but he seems to have written those feelings off as "errors", blips created by events in my childhood and I'm not sure if I agree with that assessment.

I was feeling bad about my weight again last night so I brought my old exercise machine back up from our garage. It's a mess, totally filthy and really gross so I gotta clean it up before I can get moving. I'm a little angry with Dad for having put it down there in the dirt when his weights laid up here in the clean basement for years. They've been down there for like 15 years now and he has every excuse in the book for not using them but if I get one single thing that I don't use, BOOM. I waste money, it was a stupid purchase, yada yada yada. And you can't argue back, "But Mom bought you those weights 15 years ago and you didn't even hardly use them." That only leads to, "Yes I did, I used them until my back hurt!" Well, Dad, I very distinctly remember you not using them…but whatever, your perception of reality has always swayed in your favor. -,-

In any case, the machine is back up and I intend to use it today for at least 20 minutes and not just at a slow pace either. Heck, you know what? It's only 1:30, my brother and I are the only two people here, my dog would probably like to go out and have some fun, so I think I'll get a bath, get dressed, and tie her out on her leash while I exercise to some music. Maybe getting out in the fresh air will help lift my spirits and I got some new music last night.

And yes, I bath before I work out. I bath before I go out at all. It's not a vanity thing, it's a, "UGH, I feel gross, I don't want to go out feeling this dirty!" sort of thing. My Dad was nitpicking over that last night, "She's gotta bath to work out?" Yes, I do. I feel unmotivated when I'm dirty. I don't want to go out in the fresh air to try and enjoy myself and life in general when my hair is plastered to my head. They create two entirely different emotions in me that clash. And yes I am aware that I don't do a whole lot to get dirty but it's just how I feel, cleaning up lifts my sprits. -,-

Too bad "Determined" isn't one of the moods in the list…