Well today is another birthday for me and all those who sent wishes I thank you very much but the way I look at it is why celebrate another day I didn't even want to be here?  I got up this morning not caring what I look like  or what I'm wearing I'm not going to be doing anything anyway except see my parents because they are the only ones who ever remember this day.  Mom will bring me a cake they got on the way here and they will only stay for a few minutes and then leave, they are ill and shouldn't be out driving anyway.  My kids don't remember, my best friend remembers only because I brought it up and I did get some flowers from someone special but again why celebrate a day I didn't want to be here.  Just really another day where I wished I  hadn't woke up this morning.  It just reminds me it's just another year of nothing but pain emotionally and physically.  The physical pain makes me feel 100 yrs old and the emotional pain makes me wish I wasn't here at all.  It really doesn't bother me no one remembers really it doesn't I don't want to be reminded this day is supposed to mean anything.  LIke I said before I don't care about anything especially myself.  I'll have some of the cake mom brings and put on a somewhat smiley face but that's all I can do.  It makes me wonder another year has come and gone by tomorrow so why am I still here?  What reason am I supposed to be here for?  Others?  I can't even like myself enough to bring any joy or love into someone elses life.

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