Today I went and helped a lady my wife knows from her school who has lupus with her shower system.  Basically I just installed a hand rail for her because last week she fell down in the shower and hurt herself pretty bad, she has bruises all over her body and her lips look a shade of bluish purple.  I met this lady before about a year ago and she had been a school director for 40 years and now she is filling for disability insurance through the Social Security.  I guess it made me feel better knowing I was helping someone in need, Ive been developing my own new problems now, I have a tendency to have to urinate alot especially if I am driving which means Im jumping around in the seat until I find a restroom.  My emotions are still over the top and I cant seem to just chill out. It totally sucks and I know its one of the reasons Im on disability.  Anyway, I helped this lady and it actually made me feel alot better about myself as a human being.  I feel like THEY did it to me but Im realizing it wasnt THEY, its the disease and complications from medications and all the other shit.  I find myself watching daytime TV running through another month of disability to pay my mortgage and bills and in 2 days Im broke, this isnt what I envisioned my life to be like in 2004 when I set across the country in my convertible Camaro with 50000 bucks in the bank, but ya know what, even when I was livin large back then I still stayed in hotels and drank myself into oblivion everyday, life is so strange, shit that happens you never know, I no longer see the day as a new and exciting adventure, more of a chore to try and get through, sure I may have it better than some, I get almost 2000 a month through disability but the word DISABILITY means your fucked up in some way which dont jive well with me, I miss my old life hustling as an electrician and feeling I had some worth in this life.  Anyway I thought I would share that with ya…I guess it could always be worse…Dave

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