Welp al lthat worrying and it actually was for something.

In my last post, I mentioned that I had a boyfriend and that I felt like something was going wrong in the relationship. Welp iwas right! yay.

Basically, he came over, said that he wasn't feeling it anymore and then left me to sit in my room and bawl my eyes out. Not because I was in love with him or anything of that sort (we only dated 3 weeks) but because I felt like I wasn't good enough for anyone. And I know what everyone's thinking.. "Oh, you'll find someone… You ARE good enough" blah blah and all that bs. Sorry, but I'm not buying it. For the past 2 years every guy that I have dated has left me because "he wasn't feeling it" or "wasnt ready for a relationship." Well, damnit, if your not ready for a relationship why are you pursuing one? I just don't understand men, I really dont.

The problem with me is that I feel like unless i Have a boyfriend or a guy tha tI'm talking to, I feel worthless. I feel ugly, unwanted, and lonely. I am not sure what started all of this to happen, but Ive been this way mostly my entire life. Its like all I care about is finding a significant other. SChool, work, etc.. I do enjoy.. but inthe back of my mind I am obsessing over finding a guy. I guess you could call it an addiction. Maybe by focusing on another person it draws attention away from myself, and therefore I'm doing this subconsciously. I ned to realize that I CAN be complete without a boyfriend, and that just because someone doesn't want to be in a relationship with me it doesn't mean that I am a worthless, boring, ugly piece of shit.