You might shake your head in disapproval to what I might say next- but this is the thing. I don't know if I am HIV+ yet. That's right. So why am I here then? Because this is the only thing that is keeping me even remotely sane at the moment while my stomach wants to turn inside- out and I have so much inner turmoil inside me. This is my safe place. Where I can voice my fears in safety and not have it resound and hit me back with increasing intensity in my room.
Other than that, Hi! I'm 21 and a University student at the moment. I come from a very conservative Indianfamily background where my parents are leaders at one of the churches here. Yup. Yippie and hurray. They have not the slightest clue I could be HIV+ at the moment. It's frightening for me to think and say it.
I came to this country as an immigrant 5 years ago and graudated my High school with honours and then landed the status of the Dean's roll in University. How do I find myself in my current predicament? I had unprotected sex twice this summer on two separate occasions, with two individuals that would be considered having high risk profiles in the probability of having an STD/STI. This did not have to happen, it was absolutely avoidable. But I did it anyway.
I don't know what lies ahead for me. Every morning I wake up and look in the mirror to see signs that seem to be growing and not going away. It's scarying me and I just want them to disappear and leave me alone. But yet I stare at them and there's this sinking feeling in my chest and stomach with a mix of curiosity and disgust. Did I mention I'm scared? Should I tell my parents? Part of me says no, spare them the grief, they're nearly 60 and it's time for them to rest and relax. Don't do this to them, they don't deserve it. Just maybe move out or tell them you might be dying and leave it at that. I'm still scared…this Thursday the 8th of November I will find out.
I hope you're not +, but even so this site is for people affected by it whether they themselves or someone they know. What you did why not wise is a done deal……time to face reality and move on. if you have it, you "can" deal with it. You probably aren't dying at the moment, learn to make some adjustments in how you ive your life. If you have it….you take control of it……don't let it control you…….you can live a very long time juat as someone said earlier!!
Thank you! I didn't know that, information I'm reading online varies from one site to another. I hope not too, but I'm getting myself prepared if I am. Either way, there are adjustments that need to be made in my life and I'm just starting to wrap my head around it. Thank you both for invaluable advice.
Hope you are not + but if you do you dont have to tell noone but if you decide to do so choose the ppl.you think can keep a secret cause believe some of them can not keep anything telling you this from experiance….P/S you are not gonna die soon this is my 22nd yrs just take good care of yourself…..prayer for you….YOUR TRIBER FRIEND Good luck
I did get tested and they said the results will take two weeks to come back…so this is my waiting period. However it is driving me nuts so I found an anonymous rapid testing clinic where I should know the same day (this Wednesday).
I have been doing a lot of thinking (started a few months ago) about my behaviour and the friends and students I go to school with. It is common to have unprotected sex often, get pregnant, get abortions, get std/sti, kiss people in clubs every weekend etc. I have an increasing awareness of how Little co-students are knowledgeable of diseases like mononumcleosis (kissing disease)etc. Looking at sex-ed material on campus I am thoroughly disappointed on lack of any concrete material. In short, our attitudes are SO irresponsible and mixed with the respect I have for the tribe and what tribe stands for, I want to improve awareness on my campus (strictly making material more informative and increasing sex health on campus…never gona mention tribe here)
Ps: all your words are so encouraging to me. Thank you. I like reading them.