Positive actions consist in, or are level-generated by, bodily and/or mental activity, effort or tryings; negative actions are compatible with, but never include activity.
One is not engaged in a negative action and this is why such an action allows one to do whatever else one has an opportunity to do
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No One Owes You Anything by Jason Loebig
Your first mistake is expecting anything in return.
Outside of your career, where you make a contractual obligation to be paid for your work, no one owes you anything. Would you like to know the easiest way to be let down? Create an expectation that someone owes you something…even a simple thank you.
I often think about The Four Agreements (by Don Miguel Ruiz) and how those principles might apply to basic life happiness. Day to day, we’re always in search of these large grand gestures, like someone is going to hand you a stack of cash, promote you, and tell you look skinny (read: fit) at every corner. Instead, it might be easier to simply make yourself happy by doing things because you want to be doing them, whether that be out of the kindness of your own heart or just because you want to. These are minute by minute decisions to be better than you were before, and the process by which we get better at being happy is habitual.
If we can assume that no one is going to help us, we start to help ourselves.
Mind. Blown. We are actually capable of doing things ourselves without the *expected aid of others. It’s that very expectation that leads to a lifetime of entitlement, becoming soft (in every sense of the word), and consequential complaining about the fact that no one is helping out that no one wants to acquiesce because its whiny.
Instead, be pleasantly surprised when someone hands you the $5 bill that fell out of your pocket, replaces your Starbucks coffee you dropped on the way out of the door (they don’t actually owe you a new one…you dropped it), or lets you in on the freeway.
Relationships are 50/50. You owe your half (given at 100% effort level), and they owe theirs. If they don’t meet you halfway, that’s on them. Your parents don’t owe you anything more. Whatever they did to get you anywhere near where you are now, whether that was positive or negative, shaped you…and it doesn’t need to extend beyond that. Your boss doesn’t owe you a pat on the back, your friend doesn’t owe you a “happy birthday” on your “big” day, and your spouse doesn’t owe you dinner at the end of a long day.
When it does happen, however, how GRATEFUL do you feel when someone goes OUT OF THEIR (OWN) WAY to make you feel good or make your life easier?
Gratitude > Expectation.
Agreement #2: Don’t Take Anything Personally
“Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their dream. When you are immune to the options and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”
Agreement #3: Don’t Make Assumptions
(i.e. No One Owes You Anything)
“Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama (including with yourself). With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.”
Obviously, we feel pretty strongly about this topic. Self-empowerment is the ultimate advancement in life, and it starts with handling your own…stuff.
I shared this intention with the group at each of the last two retreats we’ve run as it’s something I’ve been actively focused on since helping to found Live Better. I found myself expecting a gold star and a stripe on my helmet anytime I did something well.
Then we realized, it’s just us. If we want anything done, we need to do it ourselves. If we receive help, great. If not, no worries. Success or failure, no assumptions. No one owes us any help nor any reward. This is the mentality of the best day ever, every single day. It’s on you.
Think Better. Live Better.
