I’m new to this, but seeing where I am now I figured I’d give this a shot.
So, I suffer from depression and anxiety. The former has been new as of a little over a year now, but I’ve always been a deep worrier. (Worry till the point where I cry and can’t breathe and panic.) After about a year of Cognitive Behavorial Therapy, I was prescribed Lexapro by my doctor. It’s only been a couple of weeks, but I’m extremely disappointed that I haven’t felt a change. The first two days I thought I did, but I think it was more of the hype of actually trying something to help my depression and anxiety.
Throughout all of this, I’ve had a lot of guilt. I don’t have a bad life. I have great parents, a great church family, and a great life in general. I shouldn’t feel sad. I shouldn’t feel heavy all the time. I shouldn’t have suicidal thoughts. It takes a lot to remind myself that it’s okay for me to feel like this, but a lot of the time I just feel bad for feeling bad, which in turn makes me spiral even deeper into this depression.
I also have a hard time opening up to my family. I could talk for hours to a complete stranger about how lousy I feel all the time, but can’t even tell my mom when I’m having a bad day.
So I ended up texting in to the Crisis Text alone about a week ago only because I was feeling extremely overwhelmed and my anxiety levels were through the roof. That’s what brought me here, after they suggested online support groups.
I don’t know if this will work. But I just want to try something. Therapy helped a little, and I honestly thought medication would too, but I still feel the same. I don’t think about it all the time, but when I do have moments like that, they’re intense.
I just don’t want to feel like this forever.