I am currently in college but I’m on break so I’ve only been working and hanging out with my bf. With college being online due to COVID it has been really hard to make friends and my busy schedule doesn’t really help. Anyways I’m adopted so I’ve always had anxiety and abandonment issues, but recently I came across RAD (reactive attachment disorder). It is relatively common in adoptees and especially those who never really formed that early bond that is crucial in development. My parents were not the most reliable physically and emotionally when I grew up and so I have sorta always had these attachment issues. Currently in my relationship I am incredibly clingy, to the point it is almost embarrassing. I have always hated being alone and doing things alone and having a bf has helped cope with that but now I’m wondering if it’s a different issue. I don’t want to be in a relationship because I need to cope with this gaping hole in my heart because my childhood has lacked this emotional bond. Even when I’m with him I don’t feel like I’m “whole” or satisfied emotionally almost. Being adopted has always made me feel different and sometimes emotionally unavailable but now it’s like I have all these emotions and they have nowhere to go. I don’t really need personal space or alone time and I know that is unnatural but it makes it hard for my relationship. My bf wants his own time and space but I want to be with him ALL the time. I don’t know what I should do, or if there is something I can do.

1 Comment
  1. jackieboo162 11 months ago

    I know this may come out the wrong way but when I read that you’re clingy as well, I felt like I wasn’t alone. I never had a dad, he wasn’t or isn’t a good man. He hurt my mom and my sister and neglected me when I was small. I always moved schools so I never really had the chance to make friends. It was always me, my mom and my older sister. My sister went through so much when she was young, so much that I can literally just type for days.. but she would run away from home and we would go searching for her. The first time I remembered that happening, I was 7. As she got older, when she gets into an argument with my mom she doesn’t talk to us for awhile (I have a niece and nephews). Haven’t seen them in over a year. So I have separation anxiety plus a whole bunch of stuff. When I met my boyfriend, we were both 12. Been together since. It’s almost 6 years now. I always depended on him for everything and was super clingy with him. I couldn’t stand the fact that he would be hanging out with other people and I’d be by myself. Sometimes I would only want him to just stay with me forever… Literally. It’s not healthy for either of us… And in really trying. Then I seen that it canbe because of my childhood. So I’ve been working very hard to not be this way, and covid has made it even harder. He’s in Florida now because he went to bootcamp, so there’s a time difference. Our parents never wanted us to be together so I think that’s another reason why I was so clingy. My mom is so protective of me because of what happened to my sister which is why she never liked him. I just felt like being with him took away all the anxiety from talking to other people, or figuring out who I was gonna hang out with at school. He had so many friends, and I used to have a decent amount but my social anxiety got worse so I had none. I know it’s not quite the same or you know…. But I’m just glad I’m not alone.

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