when we finally walk into the rooms of NA or whatever 12 step program that works for you, we finally have the chance to become who God wants us to be. when we become honest, openminded and willing, we have the chance to remove the masks we have been wearing for so long. the facade is over, we never has to lie, cheat or steal again to feed our addiction or for that matter addictions. this is a simple program that changes our very existance not only to our family, our friends, our new family in recovery but to anybody we will run across.

we learn how to deal with emotions we never thought we would feel. for most of us that emotion was probably anger. as least i know it was for me and a lot of my sponsees. we come to learn to love ourselves and others with no strings attached. we learn how to hold a real job and even save money for those great recovery rewards we earn as we get clean. most of my recovery trophies are NA t-shirts, NA coffee mugs, special NA coins as i earn them each year.

the most awesome thing to me is the loving part. i have a loving partner in my life. i was 45 when i met her and i am 55 now. it may have taken me two really f#@ked marriages, 4 kids i love to death and talk too often, 4 grandkids but the lady who shares my life does just that. the wins, the loses, the victories in life, she has been by my side for every surgery i have had since we have been together. including last friday for my roto-rooter job on my heart 3 weeks after she had her own major surgery. Agape love they call that in the Bible. i truly believe that is the love we share on a daily basis. she is my 3rd and last wife and we will grow old together no matter what tries to come between. my kids are all grown and doing their own thing. i laid my mom and dad to rest 6 months ago. they died 23 days apart and had been divorced for 42 years. mom lived the longest and she probably would have said i just had to out live the old fart.

i had a long talk with a great friend i met on this page 2 years ago a few hours ago. his name is Liam, Lem to his friends he has a couple more years in recovery and he lives in Ireland. he is a man wise neyond his years. the recovery he and i share seem to come from the same book. we have a very common friend. i told him that this particular friend and i have not been seeing eye to eye.

so Shiela, in front of God and the entire recovery world, i make an honest and loving Amends to you and wish you peace, love and nothing but happiness. we live in the same state and i hope to meet and talk with you someday over a good cup of de-caf coffee. because the dr's don't let me drink hi-test any longer. may the God that i choose to call my higher power surround you and your children with angels of love and protection and make your life the best it can be.  if i can ever help you in any way, spiritually, recovery wise or just pray with you my sister in recovery please by all means just ask. all of you stay clean and be good to yourself.

NA hugs,

JJ