I so want to leave the city far behind. I love the clubs and the nightlife. But besides that it doesnt have anything for me any more. I havent been to a club in 6 years.

I have a huge garden I want to fix up but the bf is so anal about me going to my house upstate. He doent want me spending the money for gas to get there. Money for food and electric. I eat and use electric here so i dont see the diffrence. Also we spend A LOT on take out. Its like Ceasers pizza almost every day. The he get on me about my weight. grrr. I personally rather make food at home. At my house I dont have to worry about moving my car. I dont have to put up with the load parties and it seems like someone gets ran over on my corner at least once a week. Once the firemen hosed the blood spray off my car.. Upstate I dont worry about walking my dogs. They have plenty of room to run. Here my boys want to attack every dog they see and love to bark at little children. It bosts my socail phobia and i rather them just pee and poop on their pee pee mats then to go outside. I can enjoy being outdoors when I am there. But there is always a HUGE fight about me going.

He is the one working and paying the bills since most of the time I am sick with what ever and I need his health insurance.

I hate feeling chained and stuck here. I dont want to be here and I have to be because I am dependet on him. He always says work and use your money for the things you need to fix. When I actully do, the money always goes to bills. I am not winning. I really really want to run away, but if I do i am going to loss my house, health insurance, get skinny really fast and proubly end up dead because i never went to my medical appointments.

I wish my mental doctor wold say move upstate its better for you. While your at it, get a goat.


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