Hi everyone. Thanks so much for all your messages of support on my last blog. You all make alot of sense and i know you are all right. I am feeling alot better today, i had a really great day, i visited my brother and spent the day shopping with my ma. I even went to see my da! If im honest i didnt really want to because he is such an asshole of a person and always makes me feel so shit but i went anyway ( maybe because im a glutten for punishment or maybe because no matter what he has done i still cant really and truly give up on him…) he has been ringing me alot this past month, i dont know why because christmas time is usually like the rest of the year to him and he treats me the same… i.e-he seems to forget i exist. Anyway he called me 3 times already this month just to check up on me etc.

i thought it had only been 6 months to a year since the last time i saw him but it has been nearly 2 years (time flies when your fucked up in your own little world doesnt it?!!! haha) I went over today and talked with him for 20 mins or so, i mostly kept myself occuied playing with the dog but never the less i was there so thats something in itself. I am not doing any wishfull thinking over this situation with my dad though because every time in my life i have given him a chance he hurts me and lets me down, in so many ways, i couldnt even begin to explain them .If im honest a part  of me still wants him in my life, i know i cant change people and sadly he will probably never change but this is the last time i am going to try because i have been trying for 22 years with him and if he hurts me again this time i cant allow myself to go back for more…. At least i can say i tried though. I know this probably all sounds very negative but im just trying to be honest with myself and not set myself up for a fall-again, and if im pleasntly supried well then thats an added bonus.

Well things are good and im trying to think more positivley.

Thanks everyone for all the support, you will never know how much it means to me. I appriciate you all to no end.

 

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