As a drug addict who suffers from severe depression, anxiety and PTSD. Its fair to say that my life has been the topic of conversation among my loved ones and friends. For years its been a sore subject due to the pain and frustration it carries. Since I was released a few months ago from jail due to the corona virus. I promised myself I would stay productive and maintain sobriety at all costs. I must say I’ve come a long way in the short amount of time. One of the things I have noticed most is I am often the biggest scapegoat for my loved ones problems. I have since realized that as I grow, everyone is so used to pointing the finger at me as a way to justify their bad habits, I am no longer an excuse for their problems. Since taking care of myself, they are left with only being able to point the finger at themselves, forcing them to swallow the a harsh reality. Like myself, I have to take responsibility for me and my actions. It has been a life long struggle for me but a new found revelation for them. It hurts me to see how difficult it is for them to suddenly no longer be able to bear their own reflection. I know personally how hard it is to work through that. I empathize with them where up until recent they could only sympathize with me. Chaos and misery love company. This is very true. I know I inspire them to grow as I continue to challenge myself and not choose to be a victim. Its a bitter reality for some but has been a very real reality for myself for far to long. In the end, I find that core issues come from within and are expressed externally. The power of influence is personal. I choose to not be a victim today. I hope they can choose the same.

1 Comment
  1. ladoriswrites 5 months ago

    Sounds like me… Sounds all too familiar.. Family has fucked my very being up… It hurt through most of my life.. I put a name to it just recently… Told my “loved ones”… The looks on their faces are disappointing. One day just one day they will know the pain and strength they instilled in me. Just hope it all comes out in love and not hate.

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