Doing a bit better today . I'm still feeling very worn out and somewhat overwhelmed , but not like I've been the past week . Today I have the day off of work ( thank heavens! ) and am planning to spend it trying to relax and do things I usually enjoy . My work called and asked me to come in to cover someone else , but I said no . Luckily I have a doctor's appointment in the middle of the shift they wanted me to cover , so I didn't feel bad about not helping them . I have a very hard time saying 'no' to anyone in need , even when Iknow that I really don't have the emotional resources to give of myself . That's partially how I endedup this deep in depression in the first place .

My husband and I have decided that we're both going to take off the first week in October for "vacation" together . Sadly our son is still in school then but Aaron's will have to work through all the fall and winter breaks Zachary will have . Maybe we'll keep him home from school that Friday so that we can do something special with him too for a few days . Honestly though , knowing that I have that week off coming is what's keeping me going right now . I have a mental countdown until I can take a good break from reality and work and my other responsibilities and engagements .

I'm proud of myself a little bit . I made myself shower and wash my hair and shave . I did my hair (a half-hour job) and even put on make-up yesterday and made myself go to work , even though I wanted so badly to call out sick . I think that in the long run it may have helped me because it forced me to be around people and talk and engage . Normally when I feel like this I go into hiding , which is the absolute wrong thing to do for me to get better .

Last night I worked in my garden and planted some new flowers , and then went and fed my turtle friends with my husband and son . It made me smile because I got to see one of my really skittish friends named "Ghost" . He's named that because unlike the other mud turtles who are dark brownish green with 3 vertical beige stripes on their shell , he has an all beige shell ~ which is why he's so skittish . He's an easy target for any hunter looking for food from the air because of his albinoism .

I had a nasty argument with my Mom yesterday . While I was at work she called my cell-phone (which I had on vibrate even though I'm not supposed to have one on me but do anyway because I have a young child). . . and she NEVER does that . I checked it half an hour later when I had a lull in customers and got freaked out because she was supposed to pick him up at the bus stop right around that time . I asked my manager if I could call home to make sure everthing was alright , but no one answered . So I tried her cell and it went straight to voicemail . Panicking I finally called my husband's cell to find out what was going on . . . he said that everything was fine and didn't know why Mom had called me .

When I got home the first thing out of her mouth was "Well ? Did you get the noodles I asked you to pick up ? " .

"What noodles ?" , I replied .

" Well I left you a message about it ~ don't you check your messages ?" , she said .

That was it for me because she insinuated that I had ruined dinner because I didn't bring home the stupid noodles . I stood there and got really defensive and angry because instead of answering the phone when I called her back , she just let it go because she was on the other line and didn't want to bother . I had to remind her that 'No , I couldn't check my messages , as I wasn't supposed to even have the phone ON me while working ' . Let's just say it went downhill from there .

In fact Aaron and I and Zach ended up going to Taco Bell for dinner because if she couldn't have the noodles then we weren't eating .

When we got back home we got Zachary ready for bed and put him to bed , and then went to sleep ourselves around 8:30 p.m. . I just didn't want to deal with her ~ I was too tired and irritated to fight anymore .

So I'm hoping today will be better . Thank you all for your support during this ~ it means so much to me that you take time out of your day to give me words of encouragement, support and even just hugs . It helps me feel less alone in my battle .