Hi,

I said goodbye to my daughter this morning. She is two and a half. I had her for the weekend. She is now with her mother.

For those who don't remember my first post, my wife left me a month ago. She told me she feels she has nothing left to offer, that I made her feel alone for too long, and that it was all my fault. We have agreed to joint custody of our daughter. From day one, I made sure I established a relationship with her. I am so happy I did that, because when she comes to my house, she is so happy to see me, runs right into my arms, and starts playing. She tells me she loves me all the time and we do so many things together. I am never going to give that up.

This morning I was hit with a huge storm of irony. One of my friend's told me that one of the best things I can do is be really nice to her, and show her this is not affecting me that badly. So I took our daughter to the store this morning and bought my ex some flowers for New Year's. While we were paying, the song Walk of Life by Dire Straits came on. I thought to myself, is this what my life has come to now? Seeing my daughter part time, feeling ok, then all of a sudden wanting to cry and for it all to be over? Do I just keep moving on?

I don't feel like I was a bad husband. What happened to the vows we took? I was fully prepared to stick it out and do whatever it took to make things work for the sake of my daughter. I keep hearing "kids are resilient." That may be, but my little girl is very confused right now.

My OCD has been awful, too. My life is like a bad dream right now. And I am just waiting to wake up.
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