I have had my diagnosis for a long time, dating back to teenage years – I am now 62. Over that period of time there have been a lot of highs and lows for me, and I have had to battle every single day. I struggle with compulsions, mixed thoughts and actions. The main one is wanting everything to be in a certain place (perfectionism gone mad!) and others include picking things up from the ground and an acute intolerance to anything which points upwards, for example a triangle. I always feel like I have to level it off or turn the whole thing upside down.

I have been in residential psychiatric hostels and hospitals for a good part of the time since my diagnosis. This has protected me from the stressors of ‘normal’ life but has hindered me in ways also. At times, the anxiety gets really bad and I have extreme panic attacks, which make me shout and bellow rather loudly in frustration at it all.

I am quite religious – my faith has helped me a great deal with the trials and stresses of everyday life. I am a messianic Jew that is, one who accepts Jesus as lord and master, however, I still retain my intrinsic Judaism. I awake each day with fresh hope that that day will go well for me – sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. I try to remain positive anyway but it is more difficult when I’m going through it.

Please leave a comment on this blog if any of this resonates with you, or leave me a private message. I am hoping to make new friends who have had similar experiences. I want someone outside of my general social circle to talk to and interact with.

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