So, on Friday afternoon I dropped the elusive letter in the mailbox and as expected I've been pretty dang nervous since. The letter ended up being about 3 pages long, handwritten.  I tried to make it as light as possible-  I told him about what I've been through emotionally within the past year and a half that he might not know, and thanked him for the past. I then told him how I felt without trying to be TOO dang desperate sounding, and told him that I just wanted to let him know how I felt but he doesn't have to do anything – I just want him to be happy.  I told him that I value our friendship and hope we can continue that as long as he isn't too weirded out by it.  I left it off by saying I was going to be nervous about his reaction so I would be waiting for him to say something about it. So its sent, and if he freaks out I guess there really isn't anything I can do about it, I just know I had to tell him and couldn't go thru life without him knowing.

So I've been thinking alot about relationships of course.  For now, I'd rather not be in one: I need some time for me to learn how to be a better person, to destress, and all that.  (Even if M called me and said "yay I love you too" which I don't see happening, I still would take a break lol)  So I've decided, these right now are my future options, in order of preference:

1. The ex-fiance M. I always have and always will care for him. But if its not meant to be for us in the future then thats ok with me, as long as he is happy.

2. Ideal man J.  He's tall, he's tan, he's blonde, he's buff. has a great smile and is dead gorgeous.  To boot he's one of the nicest guys I've met- and oh yeah he's already told my dad he wants to marry me. Which I think is weird since he lives in Vegas where the women are like barbie dolls, but wants me. But hey, he is the "ideal man"  I'm just not sure how it would work with him living so far away and the difference in religions.

3. Random Man ?. Who knows how I'll meet him, but you never know what the future brings. Regardless, he would be someone I wouldn't have to just "go out and date" but someone that I find.  I hate dating, which leads me to..

4. No One. Not to sound like a whiny girl who just got thru a breakup (which yeah I am) but maybe I'm just destined to be single, for awhile at least.

5. My recent ex K Yeah I haven't  given up with him completely but I know its going to be awhile (and a long while) until I give him that next chance at a relationship.  He has some work to do as so I when it comes to being happy.

 And thats it. at least all I can think about for now.

On a side note I've been reading a new book called  The Female Stress Survival Guide and I really am learning alot from it.  I highly recommend it to all those stressed out females out there.