So here it is another tuesday.  Can I just say that I think the Department of Social Services is a demoralizing place.  I needed some help with my electric bill and after waiting for 4 hours I was told that I have to show the registration or title to my car.  to prove it is not worth anything.  Its a 1998 ford ranger pick up rust included.  it is not worth anything.  I also need to apply for medicaid.  I have filled out the paperwork but medicaid is on a different floor and it was exactly 4:30 when I finished with the emergency worker.  SO…I get to go back today.  After finishing cleaning my apartment…the fire inspection is supposed to be today.  Lets see if it really happens this time.  But as soon as that is done I have to go to the medicaid office to get that process started.  I am very nervous about it because of my spend down.  I am actually over income for medicaid.  Once I get documentation of the spend down I have to go to RCIL and they will help me set up a trust fund with my spend down and from what I understand…they will pay a bill with the money from the trust. I hope that is true because the spend down is like $125.00 and it doesn't seem like much but it hurts when you are already living on so little.  I have an appointment with my new therapist tomorrow.  I have been supposed to be using positive self talk to battle all the negativity in my head.  I have tried…the negative stuff is really strong.  I am reading the 5th agreement and its all about changing story, the virtual reality that we have created in our own heads.  To do this, we have to change the way we think.  Kind of like challenging the negative thoughts with the truth, the positive.  Like I said I have been trying.  I am also looking for a new psychiatrist.  I have decided to go to CHBS but I can't get in to see the psychiatrist until October.  I was hoping to see them before my last appointment with my current psychiatrist.  To even get in with a shrink at CHBS I have to meet with one of their therapists.  After the initial intake I can keep going to the samaritans for therapy (I am still really unsure about her, maybe even a little more each visit),  Maybe I will really like this therapist at CHBS and then I will just go there instead.  I meet with the Therapist at CHBS on the 19th of this month.  I have been doing some research into what is available for rental assistance.  There is a program here called Shelter Care Plus and you need to be in the care of a psychiatrist and well I have that covered.  I had a hard time finding information of them in Utica NY.  The only information I found seemed to connect them to CHBS.  So hopefully I can get some information and help navigating that process.  This is all so overwhelming…It makes me so full of anxiety…well I had better get back to cleaning.  hopefully today at DSS will go better and be faster than yesterday.