Well, it seems blogging once a week is nice haha! Anyway, I had spent some time last week with a dear friend over some tea and cake. Yes, I know, sounds girly but it was a great time and guys could benefit from that lol. Anyway, we were both filling each other in (she had an incredible summer in guatemala and I'm glad she was able to go). I told her about my summer and a lot of the struggles I've had with my health and just getting depressed about it. It wasn't that bad of a summer but I made it that way I guess. She kept telling me how much I've grown. I trust this person's opinions (and it's hard for me to trust) but what's so difficult is I don't see it. I'm just moving along I guess. I'm not trying to be humble about it, I know I'm not the same but I haven't changed. My "Guilt" is still there (for those of you not in the know, I've named my OCD) beating me senseless. I mean I'm glad people see improvement, I've been working hard but I'm nowhere near where I want to be or where I should be. My biggest pet peeve right now is looking back when I moving forward should be my focus. Yes, history should never be ignored or else one shall repeat it but dwelling on it is quite another story. And when I finally do want to move forward I have no clue where to go. It's like my future is completely blank without even a step or guide. For many I know the future is what you make it but I've had my share of disaster in the driver's seat so honestly, I feel stuck. Happy I'm not alone, but stuck.