Why is it that the people you care and trust most are the ones that hurt you the worst. I was chatting with a girl that has become one of my good friends. One the only 3 people who truly knows me and what I’ve been through. We have both experienced some of the same traumas in our lives. So we were talking about the men in our lives and how hard it is to be content in our relationships. How there is something missing. For both of us there are 2 major components missing from our relationships. How do you fix it if the partner doesnt see or want to hear about it or make an effort to work on making it better. What do you do? Well my friend has taken it upon herself to fill the void outside of her relationship with a fee different men. One that is a no good dirty dog that she had a relationship prior to being with her current live in boyfriend. He hurt her and would not commit to her and she just never let go even when I begged her not to stay with him because he made her feel so insecure all the time. How could i tell her or give her advice on this when i myself have a friend who i chat with and maintain a relationship that has lasted for about 10 years on and off. Now this is a person who i have not seen in over 5 years or have had any physical contact since then but we speak often. This person has become a very good “friend” and someone that has been very special in my life. To explain the nature of our relationship would take forever to explain so I will just say that the love I have for this person goes beyond anything I have ever know. There were some terrible circumstances that did not allow us to continue in a relationship so we decided to stay friends. We are so much more than that though. I have also learned that you can love more that one person in your life. He will always be special to me and we set boundaries to a certain extent. Well thos boundaries get crossed at times but just with words. This has happened on and off over the years. I have had to explain to this person that I accept what our relationship is why can’t he? He then proceeds to make me feel like crap because he feels guilty about having feelings for me. I have put distance between us several times and then he pops back up saying how much he misses me and doesnt want to lose me and not have me in his life blah, blah, blah. Well I finally told him to get out of my life and leave me alone. If he cant ne man enough to own up to his feeling and accept that we can only be friends (who happen to love each other very much) then he just need to go away an leave me alone. I feel heartbroken because I have been trying to live my life the way I’m supposed to but find myself still not feeling content with what I have. My boyfriend is just such a complacent person. I expect more intimate (not just sex) time together and I dont get it. Hes mor affectionate and I practically have to beg for hugs and attention. How the fuck is this and how can someone be so rejecting towards someone they supposedly love. So I wind up getting the attention I seek from “my friend”. It’s weird how even though i dont see him they just him talking to me or texting me can fill a little of that void i crave and need. So now I feel sad because I know that this person’s rejection has now left me to cope with the emptiness in my life. The part of me that needs that missing love, affection, intamacy that any human being craves. So I have made a decision.. if things dont get better by the end of the I will have to end my relationship. I just canr continue that have this void. It suck and affects me on ea daily basis. Why do relationships have to be so complicated?

Edited:

Writing in the middle of the night and half asleep probably isn’t the best idea. Inwas full of emotion and felt like I needed to purge those feelings. I have to say that these issues/problems with my boyfriend have been accumulating for years. Last year around this time (October to be exact) we had broken up and decided to give it another go around april/may. This is our last chance and I dont see much being done on his part to make a change. I get that he works and that we are on different schedules but after what we have been through and me giving him another chance to make this relationship work… it just very frustrating. Frustrating because my life is chaos and I just want one thing to be solid and stable. Uggg 😔😥😢😭

The Smiths

“Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want”