I want to be real; honest, and authentic.   I can’t be that way all the time in my every day life though!

True a person seems like they could feel ——— on the anniversary of —————-.    I don’t.

One would think that it would be just be a pleasant day to look forward to / situation but it is connected with memories of loss and confusion as well! It isn’t as simple as one may think looking from the outside.

I am a deep thinker who is always pondering and looking for knowledge and depth in relationships.

It would be lovely at times to be a superficial thinking person and just be okay with things looking good from the outside

The goal to me is to have a meaningful life.

My goal when I decided to enter married life was to appreciate kindness in my life partner which generally he is    However, he was raised by a narcissist mom and for him it means limited emotional depth potential.    His role growing up was “peace maker/ problem solver.”

I “was raised” by two toxic narcissists but was heavily influenced by a loving person who didn’t have to be in life but was there for me.  I know how fortunate I was to have someone step up and stand up to the alleged parents and take over as a consistent loving presence in my life! She made a huge difference in everything about my life!

My point is that today is anniversary of something that based on greeting cards and Hallmark movies are just good and a accomplishment.

I saw a toxic relationship for what it was blank number of years ago and moved on.   He didn’t treat me well and I accept this about him.   Yet, there was a intensity about him that was addictive and yet mentally destructive.   I loved his potential and when he was paying attention to me.    I know it wasn’t healthy and was classified as emotional abuse and he could be cold and even cruel.   I walked away and knew that accepting his treatment of me as okay by marrying him was not wise for my own well being.

If he would of apologized for how he had been treating me and sought help, I would of married him    No, he merely mentioned his wealth and that he wanted me to marry him.  It wasn’t okay or enough.   I think that either I love him still and / or have a trauma bond with him.

Meanwhile, today is the anniversary of ——.

Thanks for listening!