Wise people say that we all on the right path.   We just have to not be controlling over factors that are not in our control.

What if I had been born into a loving family? Would I had higher expectations of how men should treat me? Would I of put up with the former situation ship at all? Or for a shorter amount of time?

Are the challenges and hurdles we face in life a test? Maybe if they don’t break us, we are rewarded with wisdom.

I don’t think that I am alone in the world with feelings of planing a role.   My job is to wear pretty dresses, look good, walk a mile a day, maintain a good figure, keep all the plants inside and out beautiful, keep the house nice, say the right things, act happy even when I am crying on the inside,  I do my job.   My heart isn’t in it though

My heart aches with sadness and I see it my eyes. Yet, I water the flowers, make the house look cheerful and clean, and look the part of my role

I told my husband that I still had feelings for the person I was in a situation ship with before I married him    He said it was okay that he still wanted to marry me.

In hindsight, I thought that getting married would help heal my heart from the abusive situation ship.    Maybe, if I would of taken the time to fully heal…..

I would not have the life that I have now that looks good from the outside.   I just don’t fit it.

What if it was possible to fix abusive people? What if I tried harder and stayed in the situation ship? Experts say that in those situations we have to realize that 1    We can’t fix people nor is it our jobs  2 if I would of stayed THAT is how it would of been (and it can get worse.) I know and believe these things

Yet, I still love him from afar.   My heart hurts    Why did he treat me the way he did?

I am sitting outside listening to the birds and watching them.  My tears have stopped flowing.   Thank you for listening