I’m doing alright today though I’m not even sure I know what alright means anymore… I guess it’s like sometimes I’m okay or even happy but mostly I don’t really feel anything and the stress in my life just makes life a scale that tips towards less good enough to live than good enough to live. I’ve been in worse places, felt worse things… And yet I’m unsatisfied with what feels like an empty life. A constant stress always building up in my mind about nothing or a convoluted truth in reality. Worrying for my friends, worrying about my relationship with my friends, thinking I’m ugly, thinking I’m going to fail all my classes, thinking the teachers or my associates hate me for something I’ve done or said. It’s just one thing after another I guess and most people I meet irl don’t understand, and even those with depression and anxiety feel uncomfortable talking about mental health in public. I don’t fault them for it, but it does kind of suck for me I guess. Right now it’s just sort of a dull bit of ache, but soon the thoughts will come, homelessness et al.. etc.. and then I start feeling terrible again. I think I left some of me behind at times, but maybe that’s normal you grow up and become bitter as you age, a little hardened and more sarcastic as you loose your innocence to what’s right and wrong and what people will do to you regardless. Oh well I guess, it’s just one thing after another until it’s all gone… I hope it’s gone sooner rather than later if it can be; I don’t have much left in the way of things my mind makes me think sometimes I’ll be all alone and such. Then life might as well be not be when you’re on your own, it might have been easier if my friend hadn’t taken the SN I had after my first attempt with coniine, it would’ve been peaceful. I understand why they had to do what they did though, I’d probably have done the same. If I hadn’t a been an idiot I’d be dead by now.