I woke up today without the motivation to do anything. I also woke up feeling very alone, like there was something missing from my life. I just haven't been as well as I would like to lately. I think as a person I have had to learn to accept that I am unable to be who I want to be at this point in my life, and that is leading to a major internal struggle. I'm unhappy going to school, waking up alone, not having much of a purpose. I don't feel content like I want to. Of course, there are moments I do, but those moments have to end when reality strikes. I'm very sick of being this way. People tell me to not worry about it, but you can't tell me to do that because you don't understand how empty I feel. I don't feel like anything is right. Do you know how hard it is to live life with a feeling inside of you that aches for someone? I've tried so hard to push through it, but I feel empty. I thought it was a phase or something. But I just don't think about things people my age should think about. I don't think about going out at night, or asking lots of girls out, or stupid things like that. It's thoughts that are different. Why can't I have people that depend on me? Why can't I find someone to dearly love me? Why me? Why NOT me? I feel so trapped, like a lonely man in a boy's body. I want stability. I don't feel comfortable waking up and living a life that does not make me happy. I'm ready for a life where everything is okay, and although we may have bills we know we'll be okay. It might not be good to wish for time to go faster, but it's just moving too slow for me. I know what I want, and it's a struggle. I don't like to lose, nor do I like to give up. I'm so very stubborn, but I think soon it will make me a very happy man. At least, I hope so. I'm just going to spend my day in bed doing nothing. It gives me something to do.


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