I could of written this to future of me back then, if I knew then what I know now.

Maybe it will help someone else.  (((Hugs)))) If you have ever experienced heartbreak or are in the situation now.

P.S.  He did attempt to get me back many, many,  many times.  He apologized, proposed to me…. Also, even after I married someone else and had children, he reached out to me wanting to meet  my children and for me to meet his children…. He may of broken my heart but he lives with the regret from his choices.

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Dear Me,

Right now, you are in shock and heart broken because the man you love just rejected and ended the relationship with you as cruelly as he possibly could.

Time tends to make pain less vivid.  I think it is important for you to remember later when you have forgotten horrible he really was to you, exactly how bad it was, because he WILL come back.   He will LIVE to regret it!  He WILL want you back someday.

You will be the woman who got away and he stupidly didn’t value when he had a chance with you.  It is pain and regret to carry with him always.  It is his consequence to bear though.

Remember the following:

He could of easily just told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore verses the option he went for…. He instead opted to tell me that he plans with another woman and it was over.  Then, he said that I needed to stop looking at him with not happy looking eyes (how dare I have sadness from such a cruel delivery of  rejection! It was cruel to get upset with me for being upset by his words.)

He didn’t see me for the treasure I am and he didn’t cherish having me in his life.

It is my most important job to protect and cherish myself.  He showed his true colors.  Believe him.  He did me a favor.  He wasn’t the man for me.  I deserve better.

Remember that I was  emotionally wounded from NOT having the opportunity give the love that we feel in our hearts, to have that love valued and to see that love make a difference.  It was a loss not having all the experiences that I thought he and I would have together as much as dealing with what was once a relationship.

I am and always will be enough and lovable.  He opted to not see and it and cherish me.  It is proof that he wasn’t the right man for me.

I am wise enough to know that if someone wants to walk away from me to let them and be appreciative of their honesty.  He did me a favor.

It was a unhealthy relationship with the traits of him having contempt for me, he felt entitled, showing invalidation, being dismissive, not caring about me, my feelings, and happiness, gas lighting, he devalued me, he discarded me in a cold and heartless way.

It is proof that I was in a unhealthy relationship that I felt less than before the relationship.

If it was a healthy relationship, I could feel some sadness but my self esteem and self worth would not be so low.  I had to have start devaluing myself during the relationship to keep it going to get to this point.

In my next relationship, I am seeking a healthy relationship.  I expect respect, compassion, kindness, patience, gratitude, reciprocity, reliability. and trust centered relationship.

I missed “red flags” in the relationship due in lack of knowledge that is okay.  We all learn through the ups and downs of life.  Now, I know better.

Remember that crying is beautiful and brave and this it is okay to feel sad about the relationship ending.  I deserve time to heal and mourn.

Also, be aware that a relationship with poor communication, cruel behavior, manipulation, lack of empathy, would of not had a healthy future with those traits as a basis.

One percent good mixed with confusion, contempt, manipulation, anxiety in a relationship wasn’t good for me.  I deserved and deserve better.

Good things can and will happen in my future without him because he opted to not treasure me when he had the chance.  I am open and excited about experiencing them.

He gave me the gift of wisdom, identifying concerns, and how to set boundaries.

I can forgive him because forgiveness is the act of accepting that the past can’t be changed.  However, he doesn’t get another chance to be in a relationship with me.

I will not derive my self worth from the way he treated me.  It is merely a reflection of his character.

He was cruel, hostile and callous.

He was always responsible for his behavior and it wasn’t my job to “fix” him or “make” him love me.

Always remember, yes, it was a bad I remembered the relationship to be.  It was actually worse because someday my mind will block out some of the pain to protect myself.

It was a connection mixed with narcissistic abuse and me supply him validation.

Remember, there never was a emotional connection.

I must not ever to reach out to him for healing words for closure.  He is the one who tried to break me.

I will harness my hurt and anger as fuel to better myself.

I thrive, through the twist and turns of life.  I am strong and powerful.  I can and will heal.  I love me.

Infatuation lives in illusion.  Love can survive reality.

His actions cancel out my sentimental feelings for him.

People reveal who they are not from words but from their actions.

If the relationship would of not ended, THAT is how it would of been.  It would of gotten worse as well.

Remember, when you miss him that…. He disliked himself to be able to treat me that way.  He emotions didn’t run deep.  He is merely a emotionally stunted “man/ child” playing super hero, “Look at me.”  He valued superficial things, arrogance, manipulation, and control over what matters in life.

I release him from my heart and mind.  I am letting go of the hope that he can change.  It was his choice to treat me the way he did.

Also, I am taking back the love I gave him and I am wiser than before I met him.

He didn’t even care enough to end the relationship in a healthy way.

Always remember, what happened didn’t happen TO ME, it happened FOR ME.

My heart WILL heal and he lost someone who loved him very much!

I actually came out ahead.  Someday, I will know and fully feel this as being true,

Love,

Lacey