I am breaking that relationship trauma bond right now!

When I was involved in the situation- ship, he treated me poorly more than he treated me well. I feel triggered by men who look like him on television or in real life etc.

Now, that I am not involved with him…..

I feel comfortable, am allowed to consume food without dealing with his food control issues, i laugh more, smile
more, feel more confident, feeling more authentic, less cautious (feeling brave) not scared of rejection (not walking on egg shells)
feel hopeful and free to be me!

Also, I don’t have to dread and fear his cruel, dismissive stare that was so full of contempt. I didn’t even do or say anything wrong. I was just his solution to dealing with stress in life. It was all projected onto me so he could get his anger out. He lacked the ability to regulate his own emotions and take responsibility for his choices.

I felt like a failure today because back then I wasn’t able to “fix” him even though I loved him and wanted to save him from himself.

It was never my job and never will be my job to save someone from themselves. People who want help will seek it. If they don’t want help, they will change nothing and learn nothing about improving their lives. I accept this now.

Thanks for reading!

2 Comments
  1. danr 6 months ago

    You are right. A man consciously chooses what kind of man he will be. And if he chooses to be a good man he will struggle with the “Jason,” inside of him. I can do wrong any time but it is a struggle to do good day by day.

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    • Author
      lacey7 6 months ago

      Danr

      Thank you. It wasn’t easy sharing that information. I am done living with the shame that I put up with that treatment though.

      Instead, I am proud of myself for giving up on him, not marrying him and not accepting his efforts through the years to get me back.

      Thanks for reading.

      I hope that you are having a lovely day.

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