Haven’t been here in awhile, I’ve been hiding from everyone including myself.  With the holiday (Thanksgiving) I just didn’t feel worthy and I certainly didn’t feel like giving thanks for the things in my life right now.  So the family gathering was a bit difficult because we have (and I counted) 40 members of the family that show up at different times, from different places, each with their own story to tell, which in my opinion gets really LOUD.   For me it was like a HUGE bubble that kept engulfing me and sending me into a panic/anxiety attack.  I kept stepping out onto the porch just to have some silence and sanity.  Yes, the “family” knew what was going on and they left me alone for as long as they could stand it.  LOL  No problem, at least I know they care.

Then about half way thru the “gathering” I discovered a puppy.  A puppy that would have nothing to do with anyone else but me.  I picked him up and put him in my lap; he gave me “puppy kisses”, turned around three times (to ward off bad dreams) and went to sleep.  He slept for at least an hour and for that hour nothing bothered me.  (Well except my grand-daughters…they wanted to hold him)  So that was one step that I think I made that was good because I brought him home with me and his name is Milo.

Now the second step is today I left the house for the first time since Thanksgiving.  That’s FIVE days I’ve been in this house with no fresh air or sunlight.  Talk about a dark place!! 

I went out because I had checks to cash, scripts to pick up and a collar / leash to buy for Milo.  That went pretty well for me,….Milo wasn’t real sure about the noises from the cars and trucks going by so he laid down in the back seat of the car and closed his eyes.  I live in a small enough of a town that I took him into the store with me for his collar and leash (helps that my best friend works there also.)  After that, we stopped at my in-laws home and chatted a bit.  Mom(in-law) made the mention that I should be getting out of the house more because she hated seeing me so “locked up”.  Didn’t pay much attention to that comment at the time but when I got home, I started thinking about it more and more.   SO, I called our public library and asked if they had a volunteer program that I could participate in.  They said yes and I go in tomorrow morning (if we don’t get 12 inches of snow) to learn the basics. 

Please keep your fingers crossed and a prayer in your heart for me.  I’m taking that first step and I hope it’s not at “bitch”.

Love & Hugs