I got back from Washington, DC, where I'd been invited to a party celebrating the Parity Bill being passed. I met Patrick Kennedy; son of Ted Kennedy, Congressman Jim Ramstad; who was instrumental in getting the bill passed, Pat Taylor; the director of Faces & Voices of Recovery, David Wellstone; whose father started the Parity Bill & for who it is named after, and former First Lady Rosalyn Carter; who took a picture with me, arm in arm, while holding up a copy of JOURNEY magazine! I left DC thinking it had been one of the best week-ends of my life, and that the picture of Mrs. Carter & I was going to look great in my next Letter from the Editor.
When I got home, my girlfriend told me she needed to go back into treatment.
I was … shocked, hurt,
Then angry.
Then angry that I was angry.
I knew she had been … stuck for a while;
She had suffered from depression before, and that came back after she lost her job a few months ago.
She just…slid into a funk, that she couldn't seem to climb out of;
Spending her days watching the Sopranos, Jordan and Law & Order. Making only token efforts at going to a meeting or looking for a job.
In fact, we had agreed that she should move into Joy's House; hoping that helping the other girls, would help her.
The reason I got mad is because I had left her in charge of Joy's House; a new sober house I just opened, even though her managing of it up to that date had been otiose, at best;
I was doing a lot that she should have been handling.
I agreed to leave her in charge because she said she knew that she could do it,
And she knew what it meant to me – I opened Joy's House in memory of my daughter, Joy.
It is a of way of keeping a promise I made to her at her graveside when I finally got clean & sober:
To live a life that she could be proud of, instead of the life I'd been living.
It is also an amends to her,
And to God.
Her…not caring what her actions could have done to the house's reputation,
Or to the girls living there who were still new in recovery,
Got to me.
It still does.
Which is making me look at myself & wonder if I am self centered or supercilious, for feeling this way;
Because the reason I got angry,
About being angry,
Is that I also understood that this is a hard time for her,
On top of the the other problems she has had lately.
This is the time of year when she lost her son (yes, we've both lost a child),
And a few years later, her Mom.
So when I got back from DC and she told me that she needed help,
That she didn't want to go back to what she had been like when she was in active addiction;
Snorting heroin & taking 400 mgs. of methadone a day,
I made some calls.
The response humbled me.
Again.
My brother, my nephew and my cousin's husband have needed treatment in the past year or so.
When my brother called me after being kicked out of the house, asking for help,
I called a friend looking for advice.
She was friends with the owner of Recovery First & said she would call him. I knew Jim; he'd advertised in JOURNEY before.
'Jim' called me back that night and said he didn't think the insurance my brother had would cover it, but he would take him in,
On a Friday,
And they'd check on his policy on Monday.
Monday, Jim called me back & informed me that the policy, as he thought, would not cover treatment.
“But, he's here.” Jim said, “And I have a bed, so we're going to let him stay on a scholarship.”
Recovery First is also where my girlfriend went two years ago, and she was such a beautiful woman afterwards. I want that girl back.
When my sister called me a few months later to tell me her son, was so far gone on crack that they refused to let him stay in the house because he was stealing everything – he had to camp out in their backyard – and they needed help, I called a friend who is the Asst. Director of The Village; another treatment center here in Miami.
'Sharon' told me to get him on a bus and they would have a bed for him the minute he got here.
And they did.
Two weeks ago my cousin, who is like my sister, called me.
She told me that Edwin, her husband, was in jail and had been for the last month,
For violating probation – his urine test came back dirty. They were going to court in the morning and the judge was willing to send him to treatment,
But the only place they found had a two month waiting list. Could I help?
I called 'Sharon' again because I knew The Village worked with the drug court here. I couldn't reach her, so I called her boss 'Frank' who is the Sr. Vice President of West Care – the company that bought The Village. I'd met him at the FADAA conference, even had breakfast with him & Sharon while there.
He's a nice guy.
I had no idea how nice.
He asked me Edwin's last name, who his judge was, and what courtroom he would be in.
I told him all I knew was his last name.
Frank told me not to worry, that he'd make a few phone calls.
The next day my cousin called me & told me that a representative from The Village had been there & the judge had agreed to release Edwin from jail into The Village's custody.
He is still in there today & doing great.
So when Lynda told me she needed help, I called Jim, Sharon & Frank.
Jim said, “We love Lynda. We'll find her a bed.”
Sharon & Frank said, “Just tell us when you need it, Charlie.”
In another conversation, I also told another friend of mine, who's the CEO of The Watershed; a large corporation with 3 treatment centers in Fla. & Tex.
“Our facility in Boca is for older people, in their 30's, 40's & 50's. It's very relaxed and calm. I should have bed available there on Monday if you want it, just call me.”
What do you say to people like this?
Who will give you a bed in their program that runs from $16,000 a month,
To over $25,000 a month,
And they do not want anything in return:
Except to help someone.
It is still such a new experience for me;
My addiction still whispering, “It's a trick” inside my head.
What do you say to God, who has put people like this in my life?
When you know you don't deserve it?
I met all of these people through JOURNEY magazine;
Either selling them an ad or meeting them at conferences,
But, even in an economy like this, not once have any of them asked for anything in return for helping my family.
For helping me.
To know that there are people like this in the world;
Truly caring,
Truly good,
People,
And to know these people personally,
Is a guerdon – a reward, of sobriety.
I spoke with my girlfriend today; she's doing good.
I can hear that beautiful woman I met a year ago, trying to come out.
She's at the same detox center we met at.
I'd gone through it 6 times in 8 years before 'getting' it – and was working there as a night tech when she came in (and she ended up getting my job as a night tech after she finished treatment!)
They told her she's going to be there for 7 days.
They didn't charge us, either.
peace
When I got home, my girlfriend told me she needed to go back into treatment.
I was … shocked, hurt,
Then angry.
Then angry that I was angry.
I knew she had been … stuck for a while;
She had suffered from depression before, and that came back after she lost her job a few months ago.
She just…slid into a funk, that she couldn't seem to climb out of;
Spending her days watching the Sopranos, Jordan and Law & Order. Making only token efforts at going to a meeting or looking for a job.
In fact, we had agreed that she should move into Joy's House; hoping that helping the other girls, would help her.
The reason I got mad is because I had left her in charge of Joy's House; a new sober house I just opened, even though her managing of it up to that date had been otiose, at best;
I was doing a lot that she should have been handling.
I agreed to leave her in charge because she said she knew that she could do it,
And she knew what it meant to me – I opened Joy's House in memory of my daughter, Joy.
It is a of way of keeping a promise I made to her at her graveside when I finally got clean & sober:
To live a life that she could be proud of, instead of the life I'd been living.
It is also an amends to her,
And to God.
Her…not caring what her actions could have done to the house's reputation,
Or to the girls living there who were still new in recovery,
Got to me.
It still does.
Which is making me look at myself & wonder if I am self centered or supercilious, for feeling this way;
Because the reason I got angry,
About being angry,
Is that I also understood that this is a hard time for her,
On top of the the other problems she has had lately.
This is the time of year when she lost her son (yes, we've both lost a child),
And a few years later, her Mom.
So when I got back from DC and she told me that she needed help,
That she didn't want to go back to what she had been like when she was in active addiction;
Snorting heroin & taking 400 mgs. of methadone a day,
I made some calls.
The response humbled me.
Again.
My brother, my nephew and my cousin's husband have needed treatment in the past year or so.
When my brother called me after being kicked out of the house, asking for help,
I called a friend looking for advice.
She was friends with the owner of Recovery First & said she would call him. I knew Jim; he'd advertised in JOURNEY before.
'Jim' called me back that night and said he didn't think the insurance my brother had would cover it, but he would take him in,
On a Friday,
And they'd check on his policy on Monday.
Monday, Jim called me back & informed me that the policy, as he thought, would not cover treatment.
“But, he's here.” Jim said, “And I have a bed, so we're going to let him stay on a scholarship.”
Recovery First is also where my girlfriend went two years ago, and she was such a beautiful woman afterwards. I want that girl back.
When my sister called me a few months later to tell me her son, was so far gone on crack that they refused to let him stay in the house because he was stealing everything – he had to camp out in their backyard – and they needed help, I called a friend who is the Asst. Director of The Village; another treatment center here in Miami.
'Sharon' told me to get him on a bus and they would have a bed for him the minute he got here.
And they did.
Two weeks ago my cousin, who is like my sister, called me.
She told me that Edwin, her husband, was in jail and had been for the last month,
For violating probation – his urine test came back dirty. They were going to court in the morning and the judge was willing to send him to treatment,
But the only place they found had a two month waiting list. Could I help?
I called 'Sharon' again because I knew The Village worked with the drug court here. I couldn't reach her, so I called her boss 'Frank' who is the Sr. Vice President of West Care – the company that bought The Village. I'd met him at the FADAA conference, even had breakfast with him & Sharon while there.
He's a nice guy.
I had no idea how nice.
He asked me Edwin's last name, who his judge was, and what courtroom he would be in.
I told him all I knew was his last name.
Frank told me not to worry, that he'd make a few phone calls.
The next day my cousin called me & told me that a representative from The Village had been there & the judge had agreed to release Edwin from jail into The Village's custody.
He is still in there today & doing great.
So when Lynda told me she needed help, I called Jim, Sharon & Frank.
Jim said, “We love Lynda. We'll find her a bed.”
Sharon & Frank said, “Just tell us when you need it, Charlie.”
In another conversation, I also told another friend of mine, who's the CEO of The Watershed; a large corporation with 3 treatment centers in Fla. & Tex.
“Our facility in Boca is for older people, in their 30's, 40's & 50's. It's very relaxed and calm. I should have bed available there on Monday if you want it, just call me.”
What do you say to people like this?
Who will give you a bed in their program that runs from $16,000 a month,
To over $25,000 a month,
And they do not want anything in return:
Except to help someone.
It is still such a new experience for me;
My addiction still whispering, “It's a trick” inside my head.
What do you say to God, who has put people like this in my life?
When you know you don't deserve it?
I met all of these people through JOURNEY magazine;
Either selling them an ad or meeting them at conferences,
But, even in an economy like this, not once have any of them asked for anything in return for helping my family.
For helping me.
To know that there are people like this in the world;
Truly caring,
Truly good,
People,
And to know these people personally,
Is a guerdon – a reward, of sobriety.
I spoke with my girlfriend today; she's doing good.
I can hear that beautiful woman I met a year ago, trying to come out.
She's at the same detox center we met at.
I'd gone through it 6 times in 8 years before 'getting' it – and was working there as a night tech when she came in (and she ended up getting my job as a night tech after she finished treatment!)
They told her she's going to be there for 7 days.
They didn't charge us, either.
peace
The Parity Bill which was just passed into law makes mental health & addiction on par with other physical dieases, like asthma or cancer, for insurance purposes. So now a insurance company can not discriminate against a person seeking treatment for mental health or addiction issues. Before, you might be coverd for a 28 day stay in treatment, but if you needed more help than that, or relapsed, You were on your own.That discrimination can’t happen now because of the Parity Bill.