First off, as I am listening to the song Classified – inner Ninja if you haven't heard it I highly suggest listening to it, it is catchy and may lift your mood even if only slightly..

And second;

I woke up this morning to a tragedy. It was about my brother's best friend, we gre up with him and he is family to us, a big brother. We have nothing but love and respect for that man, never met such an inspiring, caring, and charismatic person in my life.

His wife contacted me to inform me he was in an accident on monday. He was picking up his friends Ski-doo because it broke down, he was parked on the side of the road with his hazzards on. While he was in the back of the truck grabbing loading straps another vehicle hit the truck, it sent 'T' flying onto the road. His right shoulder blade was shattered, as well as all his ribs broke causing both of his lungs to be broken. He has had one surgery already and will likely need another, but he is stabalizing.

While I was pretty shaken up about this news I was greatful that his wife of only a couple years and their year old son was not with him.

Now my brother 'L', while our relationship was rocky growing up and there was a time we hardly spoke he is my best friend, I always have and always will look up to him. My big brother is still my hero even now when I am 23, I would be lost without him.

I had to call L at work early this morning to break this news to him, it broke my heart because L and T have been through so much together and they are brothers. L broke down when he found out what happened to T, he then left work immediately to leave town to go see T. I wish I was able to go with him but I can not get any time off of work, so instead I spoke to my boyfriend 'D' and told him what happened and that I would need to have my phone in my pocket today in case L or T's wife tried to contact me, he was understanding and allowed it. He was easy on me and barely teased me unless I put my foot in my mouth and started laughing.

In fact, D went out of his way today to keep me smiling and laughing. He lifted my spirit and kept a smile on my face when he was around me at work today.

Then after work we ended up on a train that was so packed that there was someone pressed up against everyone on all angles. D seemed to have seen my anxiety raising because he positioned me against the door of the train and stood in front of me blocking anyone from being able to touch me. This allowed me to rest my head against his arm and close my eyes and take deep breaths. After about 10 or more minutes we were off the train to catch a different one. I was so thankful that it was an empty train but I was still shaking with hightened anxiety. So what did he do? he stood by a pole that we both hung on to, and I held on to him with my right hand, and every time the train turned or started slowing down he spun backwards around the pole dragging me with him.

I don't think I have laughed like that in public in a very long time, all of my anxiety dissapeared in those 20 minutes even though we had a decent sized audience. In those 20 minutes it was just me and him there on that train, everyone around us dissapeared and for the first time since I was a child I was completely anxiety free, until we parted directions.

Since I told D that I had SAD a couple days ago he has been going out of his way to keep me laughing and anxiety free. I think he may have known for a while that I had a problem but did not know exactly what.

He also replaced the valentines present that he got me and I broke. This one is so beautiful, the one I broke too was also but this one passed it by far, in fact I think I will post a picture of it.

I don't know how this man does it, but I couldn't imagine having anyone else by my side. He is caring, understanding, and while he is still withdrawn because of his past he still manages to show me how much he loves me in the most subtle ways.. it is those moments that I live for.

Thank you D for helping me get through this day. Thank you for everything you do and for being the man that you are. I love you <3