I am really annoyed with myself right now. Why am I up at 4:37 in the morning–again?! This time mostly because I couldn't make myself stop playing games on here. Arrrrrrgh! It's not just an addiction to the games, no, I'm stressed about stuff. Aaaa!  I'm going crazy with my backspacing ritual. Why am I so stressed?   I don't know. I guess it's because I want to get better, and yet here I am staying up so late; yeah, that's going to help me get over this cold or whatever it is.

Naw, there's more to it than that. What am I stressing about??? Okay, a lot of it has to do with this friend of mine. I only know him online and on the phone. He's a nice guy, he really is. But for some reason he's always thought we had this deep connection somehow, which I have pretty much never felt. I care about the guy, I even love him as a friend, but…nothing more. We'll drift for awhile, then get talking again. For awhile it will feel great–hey, we're talking and supporting each other like normal friends. Then suddenly, he'll start in on these weird hints, like "it seems like we have more in common now" or "tell me what characteristics you're looking for in a guy…", etc. Aaaaa! Dude, if you want to know if I'm interested in you, just ask out right! I'll say "no", but at least then you'll know. Of course, I've already told you outright before…. Of course, that was like three years ago, so perhaps you think something's changed.  Nope, it hasn't.  Sorry.  I'm just not your girl.

Now he's telling me he's trying to get more involved in politics. Okay, this is good. He's always known I'm very interested in politics (though really I hate to call it that anymore; I'm just fed up with politics for the most part; am involved out of necessity–want politicians out of our lives…anyway, that's a different story).  So the other day he sent me this e-mail, saying that he's really trying to get involved in politics to understand it, and he wants me to tell him in short what the Republicans believe and what the Democrats believe. He"knows" that Republicans don't like abortion and that Democrats do…. Ohhhh, boy! Dude, where do I start???!!!  First of all, parties aren't that black and white. Second of all, dude, why you askin' me? I'm not a Democrat or a Republican. I don't know what they officially stand for. I just go with individuals. You can't trust someone by going by what their party stands for. Look at the individual. Sorry, dude, nothing is that simple. How do I tell him that?

I appreciate that he's reaching out to friends he trusts for information, but…I just want to say THINK FOR YOURSELF!!! Do your own research!!! I can't do it for you. I feel too great a sense of responsibility as it is; I cannot be responsible for how or why you decide to vote.

Am I overreacting? I'm just tired. I'm tired physically right now, and in general, I am just tired of having to figure out what in the world this guy is talking about half the time and the other half of the time trying to figure out how to respond to him without hurting his feelings but by still being honest.

This is the guy who figured out how to get the code to put one of my photos as my background picture on myspace. Can't he figure out how to find the parties' official websites and do the stinkin' research himself? Not that you can believe anything politicians say, but it's a start, right?

Now I'm just rambling…. Sorry.