I don''t know how many of you still drop by, since I started neglecting this blog so much.  I constantly mean to write my updates here, and it just gets away from me.  A lot of things get away from me.

My heath is improving (my stomach is still a mess, but I haven''t had to go to the hospital in months, which is wonderful), and my taper off of methadone is proceeding at a good pace.  If things go well with that, I should be liberated from that sh*t by summer.  That will feel so f@cking good.  To be able to sleep in…  to not have to trudge to that place six days a week next winter…  (I''d have to go less often if I gave up smoking grass, but given that my stomach would then turn on me, and I would likely be unable to reliably consume or hold down food, I have to prioritize.)

In some areas, things have been happening very quickly for me.  With my art…  getting in with the cats at Gallery B1E…  becoming the in-house photographer for HM (Holy Mountain BDSM Temple, for those who aren''t accustomed to my abbreviations – it''s a BDSM Studio, so a lot of artistic endeavors go on there, in addition to the ass kicking) the window dispay…  the upcoming shows…  it honestly feels like more than I can keep up with sometimes.

And, when I really get down on myself, it feels like more than I deserve.

I guess, all I can do is work my ass off (as much as I can manage), and hope that it all pans out.

Hopefully, I will have my little studio space in my apartment ready soon, and I will be able to shoot here on a regular basis.  My friend Jordan loves that idea.  He has visions of models coming and going at all hours.  Haha…  which, to be honest, isn''t an entirely unwarranted vision.  It won''t be constant, but I have a studio full of Dommes/models who are eager to work with me.  Some of these girls have really impressive ports – the pix, and the people they''ve worked with.  One of the best models in the bunch goes by the name Miss Panic.  She is f@cking amazing.  She is one of those people who I just hope I can do justice. 

My Domme page is assembled.  I am feeling pretty good about the Dominatrix gig, at this point.  It seems like I am pretty good at playing the part, and twirling the flogger, and all that jazz.  Some people consider it prostitution, but since there''s no sex involved, I don''t really see it that way.  I know I''m pretty liberal in my take on things, but I''ve always thought of it as performance art (long before I would have considered doing it myself, I thought of it that way).  But, I also think that prostitution should be legal, and a lot of people wouldn''t agree with me about that, either. 

Efforts to keep prostitution illegal, here in the states, remind me of my country''s "war on drugs."  Both are futile, unwinnable, pointless, and rooted in specific values that are hardly universal.  I mean, people whore themselves a million different ways.  People play power games and more or less bribe sex out of people all the time.  It''s like, if people are straight and direct about what''s expected and what''s received, then, it''s a crime. 

I may have issues with it, but those are my issues, and whatever two consenting adults cook up, behind closed doors, should be their business.  Not terribly long ago, I had a conversation with a friend about prostitution.  He said that there''s nothing shameful about loneliness, and that people who give pleasure and comfort to others should be respected.  I know it''s more complex than that, and so does he, but that was his bottom line, and I think it''s a fair one.  What do these people really do to deserve anyone''s contempt?  Aren''t the greater concerns about safety and the spread of disease?  

When something is legal, you can regulate it.  You can''t enforce standards about safer sex, or anything else, when you drive a thing into the shadows and outside of the law. 

Even if you think it''s totally unacceptable, it still makes no sense to me to oppose legalization.  It''s a "principle of the thing" kind of argument, and in my experience, when people stand on "the principle of the thing," it''s because they realize they have nothing else to stand on.  If you despise something, and you cannot eliminate it from your society, wouldn''t you at least want to control it?  I mean, seriously…  it''s the oldest profession.  It''s not going anywhere. 

We are such ridiculous creatures.  We really are.  I see the absurdity of the Dominatrix thing.  I think some of this sh*t is truly nuts.  But, I can have fun with it.  Life is short, and sometimes you have to embrace the absurd, and make the best of it.  I intend to have as much fun as I can with whatever life I have left.  I''ve wasted too much time already.