I just joined this site, mainly because I have anxiety issues and wanted a place that I could express my feelings and maybe get to talk to others that can relate to how I am feeling and what I am going through.
I have been "depressed" for about 17 yrs now and just about 2 yrs ago I developed more symptoms of anxiety and even panic attacks. They are extremely scary to experience! It's strange how I could go from being depressed and down and out about my life, sometimes not wanting to live anymore, feeling sorry for myself, sad, hopeless and basically just wanted to curl in a ball and sleep all the time…..to being scared to death of dying! I am only afraid to die because I have children that I don't want to leave behind! I actually feel that dying would relieve me of my stress of worrying about whether or not I am dying or if I am going to die!….but it hurts me so much to think about what if I left my children behind!
I am afraid to sleep at night because I fear I won't wake up! I am afraid when I am awake because all I ever end up thinking about is if I am going to die. You see I get these , I call them "symptoms", I start to feel like I am going to faint, my stomach is sick, I feel chest pains and even feel weird heart palpitations….now this all makes me think I am about to die, thats why I am having this or that "symptom". It's all a vicious cycle that I can't stop! I am on medication! I have been to many different doctors! I have been to many different therapists! Nothing seems to help me! I feel like I am at my wits end! My husband doesn't understand any of what i am feeling so honestly he is a horrible support system. I get no comfort or support from him! He is incapable of empathy, so I don't blame him. If just frustrates me! I have no friends and little family to turn to for support. I have no one and I feel alone and hopeless!
Well I just really needed to get that out! I hope maybe someone will read this and have something supportive to say! Thank you!