appologies to everyone , i havent signed on here in a while.. to be honest i wasnt doing too well and didnt know what to say to people, i went back using -stupidly. Glutten for punishment , as they say. It was here and there at first,every couple of days but as we all know that doesnt last for long, soon enough i was at it every day, that only went on for a week (the using every day) i havent used since wednesday night, i have gone through withdrawal, it wasnt too bad, im still having tremors and hot/cold sweats but that will go in a couple of days and i just pray i dont ever do that to myself again. Iv come too far to put myself back there.

I graduated from my addiction studies course, my tutors actually called my aside afterwards and told me that they were correcting assignments handed in throughout the year and mine were a real cut above and that i have massive potential, that was one of the things that pushed me toward stopping using.

Another was a really scary situation i got myself into -all because of using. On wed night i was staying in my friends house and we had had a smoke heroin) and decided we needed to go to the shop to get some sweets and cigarettes. We drove up to the 24hour garage and got our things, we were sitting in the car as a car full of fellas pulled up, one of them came over and started talking to us, at first he was just having a bit of a laugh and joke then he asked were we junkies, we both said no and he just laughed, it was obvious we were stoned. He asked did we have any tablets to sell, sleepers or valium,etc. Stupidly i said yes and then he said he would do a swap for crack or gear. Now those of you readig this are going to say 'are u stupid getting involved with some stranger like that' but i was stoned and yeah i was stupid. Anyway i showed him one of the tablets and he said he didnt like the look of them etc, i told him he either wanted them or he didnt, he got really angry then and started shouting at us. It was only then i noticed he was abslotley out of his head on crack so i drove off at speed and when we were near my friends house we realised they were following us. She didnt want me to pull into her house cos she had kids in bed so we drove down a bit further and tured off the lights but the followed and blocked us in and got out of the car, they had knives and everything. Somehow i managed to get my car out, my friend rang her husband and he stood at the door with a knife and a baseball bat incase they followed.

It was really frightening.

Then the next morning , after having fuck all sleep i got up and drove my friedns kids to school, when i was driving along i either goofed off or fell asleep and crashed into a parked car. Thankgod no one was seriously hurt but they could have been.

So with all that i just said fuck this im getting away from these drugs,things have changed alot since i was strung out. For one crack was barely around when i was strung out, now everyone is on it, and no offence to anyone who was a crack head but they are fucking dangerours and un-predictable and i dont want to be messed up in all that shit or put myself in any of the situations like i did the other night, or crasj my car cos i had about an hours sleep because of the situation i got into the night before, and being told what i was by my tutors just shows me that i do have potential and i dont need to be messing around with drugs when i could be out learning to help people. I just hope i can stay off.

Im so depressed after everything thats happend over the last few days, im physically not too great because of withdrawals and obviously because i have been using i havent been to my counsellor-both of which have only added to my shit mental state. So iv fucked up once again…where does this end?

1 Comment
  1. KizzyT31 12 years ago

    Thanks hoop, i know your right but its just so fucking hard. Thats life i guess, and i know i have to really want it to have it and i do really want it but keeping it is the problem for me.

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