Well some friends have been asking how my audtiton went this past Sunday (April 5th)…to those of you who don’nt know me, I do stand up comedy and I\’ve been writing for several years now. I\’ve been positive for going on 23 years but I didn’t get a fire lit under my tail until last summer when my health took a downturn and I fianlly went on meds…I guess some of us just really need an extra loud wakeup call to do what we always wanted to do! I saw the a couple of weeks ago for a nighclub here in Atlanta that has put together a weekend review. They are seeking to expand their talent and clientel base by making the review very eclectic…It include so far, singers, dancers (both traditional and exotic), poets, and male and female impersonators and…. comedians…When I called to enquire about the ad, I was connected to the show director who told me that so far , they had hired in every catagory except comedian! I was really pretty surprized since Atlanta is peppered with comedy clubs and the waiting list to become a regular is long and arduous. One usually has to go the route of doing open mic night at the comedy clubs which, if you haven\’t witnessed befre can be BRUTAL. I have gottten so much positive feedback from my husband, my friends on here abd IRL,  but I wondered " Do I have what it takes for the real world?"……( again, as usual, self doubt and looking for an excuse not to follow through).  But I figured if I told enough friends on here what I was doing that I  would HAVE to follow through with the audition if I ever wanted to show my face in here again! So…when the show director asked me to come  and auditon for him and 2 others on Sunday……I said yes.

That gave me an entire week to gather my materail and decide just what, out of reams and reams of dialog what to choose for a 10 minute spot…what to make that *first impression with……It also gave me time to have several major panic attacks , complete with racing pulse and shorness of breath (where the HELL is my inhaler?!) By the time Saturday rolled around I was pretty much a nervous wreck but was still gather myslef together in incriments…what I would wear, what my topics would be…etc. The problem if amy,definetly wouldn\’t be not having enough material, it owuld be paring it down and timing it to make a neat complete package with opening, monolotg and smooth segue into a closing….Yikes. How the hell was I going to do that? If you know me on here you already know that I\’m anyting but short-winded….I am also horribly attention-deficit and have to really work at linear thinking. WHat was I going to do to keep from bouncing all over the topic map, not to mention the stage??  In the end, I setteled on a loos framwork of topics I was familiar with and decided not to memorize ANY of it word for word….It may sound woird, but it\’s just the way my brain is wired…or maybe misswired but I actually do better at holding simple memory prompts and adlibbing the rest….once I get going the entore thing just plays out like a premade tapestry…its a scarey and beautiful thing to experience…almost like you\’re being posessed by another personality that is pulling the strings and talking for you… OK….so Im certifiably nuts….it runs in my family so why not make a living out of it? I will throw in here, that my grandfather on my mothers side was a Vaudeville comedian during the Great Depression so maybe there is something to the thing about it running in ones veins?  He was also philanderer and a bootlegger who made bathtub Gin and ran a speakeasy, but mama likes to conviently forget that part! When men were jumping out of windows during the Great Depression, my grandfather bouth his family a brand new home in a brand new subdivision…but more about that old scoundrel another time!

I managed to get a good (and rare) eight hours of sleep the night before the audition and when I awoke Sunday, the day found me rested…centered…and omg…CALM…..who was this person and what have you done with Loki??!

Adam was mamaging the closing shift at the restaurant that weekend which meant he didn\’t leave for work until about 4:30 pm….That left me plenty of time to lay out my clothes,  get showered and dressed….and have about THREE THOUSAND  OCD moments where I : Lost the car keys…..checked the outdoor lights to make sure they would be on after dark….checked all the house doors  2 dozen timesto make sure they were all secure….checked the gas to make sure the house didnt explode while I was gone or asphixiate the kitty, check my cloithes again….lookk for the *(*&(*&^! car keys!…..you get the picture. Now *thats* the Loki you know……yeah….poor Adam….he\’s a saint.

I got onto the freeway at 6:30…a mere 30 minutes before my audition time. Thank goodness it was Sunday and the traffic was (by comparison) reasonalbly sane. I had a 20 mile commute to the oher side of Atlanta but strangely, once I got on the freeway, I totally relaxed….put the audition out of my mind and entered a peaceful reflective state…AS I went trough the downtown connector and skirted downtown, I though of my first partner Raymond, that I met in Tampa and moved here to be with so long ago…I lost him in 1985 at the age of only 31 in that first crushing wave of the epidemic….and .tested positive myself the next year. We had no idea  what had hit us……I thought of Topher,  a sweet talented boy that I dated before I met Adam We becam friends but I lost him last year to crystal meth and hiv…also at the age of 31…..They were all riding with me, As was my sweet Adam of course, and all of my friends on the Tribe…I felt so surrounded and protected with love and my heart swelled with happiness!  I also had talked with my mom the day before.She is in a retirement home in Florida  with early Alzheimers disease which is methodicly erasing her memory. I call her nearly every day, but that day she was particularly clear-minded and told me out of the blue how proud she is of me and how much she loves me. She tells me how much she loves me all the time as I tell her, but I can\’t remember the last time I ever remember her saying that she was proud of me. Considering that I have not told her yet  about the audition, and how hyper-critical and ashamed of me for being gay when I was younger, it really meant a LOT to me……

I must have been driving like a bat-out-of-hell because I made the commute in recoird time, getting to the club a whole 15 minutes before the audition! Did I like teleport or something? Hey, I never had a good grasp on time on a good day, so better early than late!…I had time for a last minute check before I walked in and a good thing too because I discovered that buttoned my shirt wrong! Not exactly the laugh that I wanted to achieve, at least the first time. Whew, close one!  (note to self: write a stand-up piece about the living with of A.D.H.D and O.C.D.)

I walked into the club and met Jeoffery the talent scout and co-show director that I had been in contact with…I was not  dissapointed…very professionally dressed and manered, he seemed to be warm and genuine but I wasn\’t letting my guard down just yet…After introducing me to some of the crew who were setting up sound, lights, props etc for the evenings show a bit later, he asked me if I was ready to begin…The crew and a gaggle of the troupe were conversing in an ajoining room of the club and he got on the mic and politely announced that " Loki is about to audition so if every would please amp it down a bit,  it would be appreciated." Oh great! an audience no less….I promply went into "attention whore-mode" and Launched! The lighman hit me with the spotlight and I was immediatly altho temporarily blinded ! I had nearly forgotten how light sensitive these meds have made me. That and going legally blind in my left eye last year makes me a tripple threat.

It turned out that there were three people critiquing the audition…The SHow director, the artisitc director who was also video taping it and a third involved party who I hadn\’t met yet….you can always count on the unexpected !  I was up there at least 15 minutes but it went so quickly! When I feot that I had delivered the right ammount, I found a good spot to gracefully segue into a wrap-up and ending …..and then….just like that……it was done. I got some good laughter out of them and they seemed to appreciate my raw,  "no sacred cows exempt" style.  After a brief chat with the three of them Jeoffery told me that they would "talk amongst themselves" for the next few days and that they would be calling me to render a verdict, yay or nay….

Now the waiting started…. I will admit, I would be dissapointed of they don\’t want me, and yes, it would be a bit embarrasing after all the support I\’ve gotten from my friends, but the thing is, now that the ice has been broken, I wouldn\’t hesitate nearly so much to audition for another club or talent agent or whomever!   I am reminding myslef that this was my first audition for stand-up , but there\’s no doubt, it won\’t be my last ! There aren\’t too many "virgin events"  the older we get so I\’m so glad that I enjoyed this one to the MAX!

Again, my deep and humble gratitude to ALL my friends who supported me inthe baby steps. Thank you Rye For telling us ALL that " Now is the time to fight for your dream!"

"….and I\’d like t thank the Acadamy……"   ( YANKED OFFSTAGE BY  HUGE BOUNCER)